#the way her first grade classmates had no idea they were hanging out with america's first female vp AND america's first black vp

[vintagefirstlady]

Young Vice President Kamala Harris with her sister and mother 🩵

[jenohi]

stranger

PAIRING ▸ Watanabe Haruto x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ pining, high school au, lacrosse au, I’m not really sure what genre this is lol

WARNINGS ▸ traumatic events?

SUMMARY ▸ When Haruto moves halfway around the world the last person he expects to see is you. His former nemesis...or so he thinks.

PLAYLIST ▸ Still Don’t Know My Name by Labyrinth

WORD COUNT ▸ 9626

UNIVERSE ▸ YG High; Treasure Lacrosse Team

A/N ▸ I’ve decided from here on out all my stories will probably fall within the same universe. I only really have like 4 universes in mind so I’ll label them just so you know. Also, I’m looking to add some art to my stories to bring them more to life but I am useless at graphics/edits, so! If you’re really into making graphics/edits and you enjoy my work please please PLEASE reach out to me!!! I would love to work with an amazing artist! <3 <3 Plz enjoy.

A/N 2 ▸ This story is like a lot of crossover with Jeongwoo’s story but I hope I was able to bring justice to Haruto’s character and bring his story to life. :P ok now enjoy for real realz.

You were the prettiest girl Haruto had ever known in his life. But to him, you were also his rival. You always managed to score just a few points higher than him on each exam, each quiz, each assignment. To him it always felt like the teachers liked you more, so he made sure your classmates liked him more. The thing that made him really mad was that you were so unbothered. You were ambivalent to him and you didn’t even know his name. If you really were strangers and never sat in the same class he could understand. But you had been in the same classes for years. Each time you spoke to him, you politely asked for his name. As if you were strangers.

When his parents told him that his family was going to move to another city, far enough that he would have to transfer schools, he had mixed feelings. This was his last chance to confront you. To understand why you’d never bothered to remember his name, but each time he approached you he found you furiously scribbling in a notebook. Although he resented you for not knowing his name, he could never get himself to disturb you when you looked so stressed scribbling whatever it was in your notebook.

What Haruto didn’t know is that you did notice him. You noticed the handsome, tall, skinny boy that was always in the corner of your line of sight. But you had no idea what to say to him. So you never approached him. He was a stranger.

Haruto wished he could forget you. He was a bit uncomfortable transferring to a new school at first but thankfully, three other boys had transferred with him. Asahi, Mashiho, and Yoshi had become literal brothers to him. The school also had a transfer students program and he made a new friend, Hanbyul. She was a chatterbox and sometimes she could literally chat his ear off, but she was also sweet and helpful. But she wasn’t you.

But that didn’t matter because Hanbyul had another guy on her mind all the time anyway. “You know we’ve just been friends for such a long time and lately, I’ve started to...I don’t know. I feel different. Nervous. Is it normal to feel nervous around your best friend?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” Haruto responded.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. But he probably doesn’t feel the same way. I doubt he’s ever even thought about me in that way.”

Haruto felt someone nudge him, he turned to see that it was Asahi. Haruto leaned over to hear what he was going to say. “Is she talking about Jaehyuk’s brother?”

Haruto nodded.

“Jaehyuk talks about his little brother and this chick all the time. She’s so off the mark. The little brother definitely has feelings for her if Jaehyuk is anywhere near the mark.” So both parties had feelings for one another but both parties were too chicken to say anything to each other. And for no good reason.

In a way that reminded Haruto of himself and it pissed him off. He knew that spending so much time with his new friend would raise suspicions but he didn’t care. He knew that spending so much time with her pissed Jeongwoo off. It didn’t take a genius to recognize it when they went to the Big Bang Concert together.

Haruto thought he was going crazy when he spotted you a few spaces over at the concert. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times to make sure it was really you. Haruto stormed over to you once he decided that it was in fact you. He had spent months thinking about what to say to you if he ever saw you again, he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. Haruto didn’t even think to tell his new friends where he had gone.

You saw a tall, handsome figure approaching your direction. You took a second to check him out, but then turned back to the performers and continued to enjoy yourself. Your parents were reluctant to let you go out to this concert on your own but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you wanted so badly. You smiled sadly at what might happen when you woke up tomorrow.

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Big Bang.” You heard a voice from behind speak into your ear. You jumped in surprise and turned around to see that it was the handsome stranger you saw sauntering your way earlier.

“Hi, what’s your name?” You asked with a polite smile on your face. This is probably exactly what your parents were worried about, creepy men that would try to approach you. You started to think about the best way to remove yourself from the situation safely. The now unamused expression on his face alarmed you.

“When are you gonna cut the shit. You know who I am.”

You looked at him puzzled. “I do? How? From where?”

Haruto felt something in his chest crack. “I used to go to school with you. You’re Y/N right?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s me.” You furiously racked your mind trying to remember what you had read but your memory came up blank. You couldn’t help but cringe and turn away. This is why you tried your best to keep to yourself and away from people. You looked up to see Haruto staring down at you with a curious expression. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. You said you used to go to school with me? You don’t go to school with me anymore? Can I get your name again? I’m really sorry. I’ll try and remember.”

“My name is Haruto. I don’t go to school with you anymore. I transferred to a new school a few months ago.”

“Oh, I see.”

Haruto wasn’t sure how to feel when he realized you actually had zero recollection of him. For some reason seeing you up close and seeing you really trying to remember him made him feel a bit sympathetic. He couldn’t understand why. It still totally irked him that you didn’t know his name. But something told him to sit down with you and get to know you.

“Well, do you like your new school?” You asked, looking up at Haruto. Your heart was beating hard and fast. You prayed that your face wasn’t flushing.

“Why don’t we just enjoy the rest of the concert for now and we can grab a late night meal after the concert?” Haruto proposed. His own palms were sweaty and his heart was beating fast.

You thought about it for a second, then nodded and smiled. Haruto felt like the world had a glittery filter for a second. He’d always acknowledged that you were attractive, but up close smiling at him, you were drop dead gorgeous.

“Awesome.”

After the concert, the two of you walked side by side as you left the crowded venue. You noticed Haruto took a second to text someone on his phone. He caught you snooping and laughed as you turned away. “It’s fine. I was just letting the friends I came with know that I was gonna head out with you.”

“Oh, if you need to get back with them it’s fine.” You said, maybe hanging out with Haruto was a bad idea after all.

“Not a chance, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I’m honestly curious to know how you are and how things are back home.”

Your face flushed at his words. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent time with a guy like this. Was this a date?

“Alright. Then what are you in the mood for?” You asked, pulling up a list of restaurants that were still open at this hour.

“What’s available now? What are you in the mood for right now?” Haruto looked over your shoulder at the menu as he asked.

“Um, what about McDonald’s? I’m not that picky and there’s not that much open right now.” you said.

Haruto stared at you with wide eyes, were you always this cool? So the two of you made your way to the closest McDonald’s and debated which was better, Coke or Sprite. To Haruto, Coca-Cola was non-negotiable.

“How is your new school?” You asked Haruto, munching on a few of your fries. “Do you like it?”

“What are you doing here?” Haruto interjected.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not in Japan. This is far from home. Why are you in America?”

“Oh, I’m uh- I’m visiting family. I’ve actually transferred to a school around here for the time-being as well.” You jumped in surprise when Haruto shrieked.

“You’re here now? Like for good? Like you go to school here? Where?”

You giggled at the questions he rained down on you. The way he asked you with his cheeks full and eyes wide was rather endearing. “Yes I’m here now. I’m actually, uh, home schooled for the time being.”

“Oh, interesting. Why are you homeschooled? I remember you were always really good at school.” Haruto said before he shoved another chicken nugget into his mouth. The irritating thought that you were always better than him at school, just by a little popped up in his mind but he pushed it away. That didn’t matter anymore. He had your attention now.

You felt your face flush. Even with your condition it was true that you maintained your good grades. So Haruto must have actually known you back in Japan. You eyed him again, when he caught you staring at him you turned away. Haruto smirked.

“Enough about me. Tell me about your friends. You said you came with friends from your new school right?”

“Well I’d say one of them is actually who I’d consider a friend. The other one is a mutual friend. A childhood friend that has feelings for her.”

“Her?” it slipped out of your mouth. Haruto’s smirk reappeared and his eyebrow jumped up when he looked at you. You looked away, what was this funny feeling in your chest? It was weird.

“Our school had this transfer student program and she just happened to be assigned to me. She’s really cool, I’m not into her like that and she’s not really into me like that. She likes her friend.”

“How do you know?”

“She told me.”

“Oh. That feels like something important. Like a secret.”

“Well, I told her a secret as well.”

You stared at him. He didn’t indulge in the secret. Haruto was wholly focused on sipping the last of his Coca-Cola before putting it down on the table and letting out a sigh.

“Well so what’s going on with them now?” You asked.

“Hopefully, they both pull their heads out of their asses tonight. I gave them time alone so the best case scenario is that they just talk it out. The dude, Jeongwoo, I actually met him for the first time tonight and he’s a cool dude. It would be nice to have more dude friends around here.”

“You don’t have any guy friends?”

“I do. There are 3 other transfer students from Japan and they’re all dudes and I’m friends with them. Actually, Americans like to play this sport. Lacrosse? My friend told me to try out for the team and I think I might. Mashi, Asahi, and Yoshi agreed to try-out as well so it’ll be fun.”

You nodded, you had no idea what lacrosse was and you didn’t think you would be that interested to learn either. “I should get home.”

“Right of course.” Haruto said, getting up. “Where are you headed? Let me call you an Uber.”

“No, it’s okay. I can actually walk back home from here.”

“Oh really? Well, at least let me walk you back.”

You hesitated for a second. Would it be smart to show this guy where you lived? But then you shook it off, he seemed pretty harmless throughout the night and you trusted that he knew you from school in Japan. So you agreed.

“Do you have to be home-schooled?” Haruto asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” you answered.

“Would you be interested in attending school in person again?” Haruto could feel the devil on his shoulder kicking him. What was he doing? He had already gone to school with you before and the fact that you always did just a smidge better than him drove him nuts.

“Um, I haven’t really thought about it. Why?”

“You should consider transferring to my school?”

Your eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Haruto stepped back a bit and raised his hands. “It was just a suggestion. Honestly, I struggled a bit when I first came here. I can’t imagine how lonely it must be to be here and just be home-schooled so I figured it might be nice to have some sense of community.”

“Um, I’ll think about it.” You weren’t going to think about it. You looked up and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the familiar apartment complex. “This is me. You don’t have to walk in with me. I’m gonna go now.”

“Wait.” Haruto said. You turned around to look at him, a thin smile on your face. “I, uh, I had fun.”

“Yeah, this was nice.” You said truthfully.

“We should do it again sometime.” Haruto said. You stared at him, he looked perfectly composed to you. But his heart was practically beating so hard he thought it might fall out of his chest.

“Honestly, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Haruto felt a heat and anger flare up in his chest. But he did his best to tamp it down and get it under control. This was literally the first time you had acknowledged his presence. He put a smile on his face. “Well, then maybe we’ll just run into each other again sometime.”

“Maybe, it’s all up to fate now. Good night Haruto.”

“Good night Y/N.”

The second you made it back into your room you pulled out your diary. You scribbled the notes you had logged into your phone throughout the day as quickly as possible. Briefly reliving each moment as you wrote them down. By the time you had gotten to the end of the list and began to recount the concert you could feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier and your hands writing more and more frantically until suddenly, you crashed.

The next morning you woke up and read your notes. You squinted at the last thing you had written. Your handwriting became illegible near the end. ‘Haruto?’

The next morning Haruto woke up and smiled at the memory of you. Asahi and Mashiho eyed their roommate as he pranced around the living room and kitchen smiling and singing. But nothing could bring Haruto down. Well until he saw his friend looking depressed as hell.

“Dude what’s up?” Haruto asked. “Did you and Jeongwoo figure your shit out?”

“Uh, about that. Well, no.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“Well what about you? Did you run into her?”

“Nuh uh, this isn’t about me. You literally had the perfect opportunity to make something of it. To make a moment! Did you guys have a moment?”

“Yes, I think we did. But I got scared. I don’t want to lose Jeongwoo as a friend, but at the same time I don’t think he has any feelings for me like that. I just, I think I need space. Maybe if I just distance myself from him a bit then I can get over my feelings and…”

“No offense, but that’s the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Well I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. This is my decision and my decision is that I don’t want to see Jeongwoo for awhile. Ok? I’m not ready for the conversation. So you better get used to seeing me more often!”

Haruto sighed as he watched his friend storm out of the room. He turned around and exchanged looks with Asahi. “Did I say something wrong?”

Asahi shrugged. “Honestly, I think you’re valid. I think her logic in avoiding Jeongwoo is pretty dumb. The dude’s in my gym class. Honestly, he’s chill. I don’t think he’d react badly to her if she confesses regardless of how he feels.”

“I should probably find her and apologize anyway.” Haruto said, exiting the room. Eventually he found his friend and they sat together in the cafeteria.

“Sorry about what I said earlier. I’ll admit it was kind of harsh. But honestly I can’t say I understand your logic at all.”

“It’s fine Haruto. You seemed extra happy when you walked in this morning. Who was the friend that you saw at the concert?”

“It was her. Y/N.”

“No way! Isn’t she in Japan?”

“That’s what I thought too. I was so shocked to see her.”

“What did you say to her? What did you guys talk about? Did she recognize you?”

“That’s the thing. The best part of it all was that I actually had her attention. You remember I told you about how she never acknowledged anybody right? She was always reading her notebook in the hallway. In the past when I spoke to her she never even knew my name! She had to ask me every single time. But this time, there’s no way she wouldn’t remember me!”

“Your relationship is weird. But I guess that’s sweet. What does she write about in her notebook?”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter? She knows my name now!”

“That’s another thing. You went to school together for years and she never remembered your name? Why?”

“I don’t know.” Haruto said. Now he was grouchy. All the questions that had been brought up to him were valid, but these weren’t things he wanted to think about.

A few weeks before the lacrosse tryouts in the spring Haruto went to the hospital to get a physical done.

Once he was done he stumbled into a small cafe right next to the hospital. When he saw who was manning the cash register he rubbed his eyes and looked away and looked back a few times to make sure he wasn’t being deluded. When he was confident that he wasn’t going crazy he stood up and walked over to the register.

You saw a tall, handsome, and skinny guy walk up to the cash register. You cleared your throat and stood up straight. “Hello, what can I get you?”

“Y/N! It’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Again?” You put a smile on your face and thought of a response. “Hey, it’s so good to see you! How have you been? What’ll you have?”

“Do you...remember my name?”

You felt your heart picking up speed and your palms beginning to sweat. But you kept your composure. “Of course, let me take your order and we can chat for a second.”

Haruto beamed. “Okay, then I’ll just have an Iced Americano.”

“Okay, that’ll be $3.30. The ice machine is in the back so I’ll be right out in a second. You rushed to the back of the cafe and pulled out your diary and flipped through the pages, reading the entries as quickly as possible. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a torn piece of paper that had slipped out of your bag. You picked it up, it matched the paper in your diary. You flipped it over to see that it had a name written on it. Haruto.

Was that this guy’s name? Who was he to you? Darn it, why hadn’t you written more?

You quickly filled the cup with ice and walked out filling the cup with cold brew. You grabbed the marker and scribbled Haruto on it. You walked back over to the cash register. This guy’s eyes were practically glittering in anticipation. Was it normal for someone to get this excited over a coffee?

“I’ve got one iced americano for Haruto?” you said.

If his eyes were glittering before, they were practically flashing light strobe lights at a nightclub now. A matching beaming grin on his face. “Yes! Y/N it’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Right. Yeah, of course. What are the odds.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um, I’m working right now. I’d rather not get in trouble. Maybe another time?”

Haruto swiveled around, eying the cafe. “It looks pretty empty to me. I don’t think you’d get in trouble if you came out for a second just to keep me company.”

“Still…”

“Is your manager even here right now?”

“No.”

“Then come on. Just come out for a second.”

You looked around the cafe, cursing at how vacant it was. You tugged at your sleeves for a second before answering. “Fine.”

You followed Haruto out from behind the counter. He walked over to a table and pulled a seat out from underneath the table. He smiled as he waited for you to sit down. You walked over to the table and turned around. Haruto slid the chair underneath you as you moved to sit down. Once you were seated Haruto ran around to the other side of the table and sat down.

“How are you? How have you been?” Haruto asked.

You stared at the boy sitting in front of you. He was so handsome. “I’m doing well. How about you?”

“I’m good. I was in the area because I needed to go to the hospital.”

Your ears perked up. “Why were you at the hospital?”

“Why do you wanna know? Are you worried about me?”

You didn’t say anything. You just stared at Haruto. Haruto cleared his throat and looked away for a second. “I’m just playing with you. I went to get a physical.”

You nodded, tracing the patterns on the tablecloth.

“I needed one for lacrosse tryouts.”

“Lacrosse? What is that?” you asked. Haruto thought the way your nose scrunched in confusion was adorable.

“I told you about it last time! Remember? It’s this sport that Americans like to play. I had never heard of it in Japan either.”

You didn’t remember. “Right.”

Haruto couldn’t understand the dynamics of the conversation. He watched as you avoided eye contact with him and intensely focused on tracing the pattern of the table cloth. Then you would stare out the window of the cafe, it almost appeared as if your eyes were glazed over. “What are you always writing about in your notebook?”

Your head spun over to look at him so fast, you thought you might have gotten whiplash. “What?”

“Your notebook. I remember in school back in Japan I always saw you either writing things down in a notebook or reading the same notebook. What’s in it?”

“Um, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why? It can’t be that bad. I promise I won’t laugh no matter how embarrassing it might be.” Haruto said. Leaning forward over the table so that he was in your face.

“Forget it.” You said, leaning back and looking away. You glanced over at your bag that was perched far back behind the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. “Look. I gotta go. I’m supposed to be working right now. I think you should go now as well.”

You stood up from the table so quickly that the chair you were sitting on toppled over. You didn’t bother to turn around and pick it up. You walked back towards the counter without looking back.

Haruto watched you as you walked away. He narrowed his eyes when he saw you grab your bag and walk to the back of the cafe. There was only one thing on his mind as he walked out of the cafe. Your notebook. What was in the notebook?

You frantically flipped to today’s page in your notebook. In all caps with your boldest, darkest black marker you wrote at the top of your notebook. ‘Beware of Haruto. Tall, Handsome. Asked about notebook.’

Then you shut the notebook and exited the back room, breathing a sigh of relief when you noticed that the cafe was vacant once again. You walked over to the cafe table where you had previously sat and picked up the chair that had fallen over when you had left the conversation.

The next day at school Haruto was deep in thought. What could possibly be so important about a notebook? When Hanbyul shoved him, Haruto shrieked as he fell out of his chair. “Dude, what the hell is your problem?”

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’re thinking so hard that your brain might break.”

“Do you have an important notebook? Is that like something girls do?”

“You mean like a diary?”

Haruto snapped his fingers and looked up. “Yes! Exactly like one of those. Do you have one of those?”

“I did when I was younger. I don’t keep one anymore though. Why do you ask?”

“My friend. The one from home, Y/N? I think she has one. I asked her about it yesterday and she got all dodgy and weird.”

“Ah, well. Back when I did keep a diary it held all my dirtiest secrets. I don’t think I would want to share it with anybody or for anybody to know about it. Not even now, and as an elementary schooler I really don’t think I had any secrets worth keeping.”

“It was so weird. She got so defensive over it. I didn’t realize bringing it up would be such a touchy subject.”

Hanbyul shrugged. “Different things matter to different people. Are you ready for tryouts? They’re coming up soon aren’t they?”

Haruto nodded. “Asahi, Mashiho, Yoshi, and I have started going to that gym that you recommended. Lacrosse is actually pretty fun. Mashiho is the best though. Are you coming to tryouts?”

“Of course I am. I’m practically making you go so it’s only fair that I be there to see how you do. I reserve the right to totally make fun of you if you embarrass yourself though.”

Haruto rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

Soon enough it was the first day of lacrosse tryouts. Haruto had frequented the cafe that you worked at in hopes of getting the chance to speak to you again. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know was that you had quit the job and diligently stayed home and studied.

Haruto was agitated at the thought of not being able to speak to you again. When he tried to sit down and rationalize it himself he couldn’t make sense of it. A year ago he despised you for not knowing his name. You know his name now, right? What more did he want from you?

“Haruto? Haruto! Hello? Are you even listening to me?”

Haruto turned to look at Hanbyul. “Honestly no, sorry. What’s up?”

“I feel bad for how I treated Jeongwoo. You were right, avoiding him was not the right thing to do. But why hasn’t he said anything to me?”

“Look I can’t tell you what’s going on between the two of you any better than you can. My assumption is that he’s a bit hurt and confused at the moment by how you’re acting and he doesn’t want to make things any worse than they are.”

“Can’t you say something to him?”

“Me?” Haruto looked up from his stick that he was re-taping. “What do you want me to say to him?”

“I don’t know. Just...just get him to react.”

Haruto scoffed. “If you want me to do that I can but again I feel like it’s not going to produce the results that you want. Like I think if I say anything things are gonna go really sour so I think you should think long and hard about this.”

“Haruto!”

“Look, I gotta go. Tryouts are starting.” Haruto said, turning away and walking onto the field. He didn’t miss the hard stare coming his way from Jeongwoo. Haruto ignored them and focused on his gameplay. Lacrosse had actually become really cathartic for him and he found that he really wanted to make the team.

Haruto noticed that the coaches seemed to be reacting favorably to how he was playing. He also realized that Jeongwoo was also really good but he played really aggressively, like he had something to lose. At the end of practice Haruto figured his hunches must have been correct because the coaches called him over to speak with him.

“I’m sure you know Varsity tryouts were this morning, all of your friends from Japan did great as did you and so we’re thinking about pulling you up to varsity. So tomorrow I want you to come early and try out with the varsity team, alright?”

Haruto beamed and nodded.

“Good work son.” The coach slapped Haruto on the shoulder. He did his best not to fall over. Thankfully the coach didn’t notice.

Haruto walked off the field and headed towards the school parking lot. Just as he pulled his phone out to call someone for a ride home his phone pinged, he tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Mashiho.

Mashiho: Haruto have JV tryouts ended?

Haruto: Yes, I just finished

Mashiho: Cool. Have you found a ride home yet?

Haruto: No, do you know anyone who can come get me?

Mashiho: Ya, a lot of the guys on varsity can drive. Junkyu is over now but he offered to come pick you up.

Haruto: Junkyu?

Mashiho: He’s trying out for the varsity team. He’s cool. Kinda goofy but cool. I’ll come by with him.

Haruto: Alright, thanks dude.

Mashiho: Np.

Haruto checked the time on his phone before putting it back into his pocket. 6 P.M. Would you be at the cafe? The last few times he had gone by he hadn’t seen you. He put the thought away when a car appeared in front of him. The window rolled down and Mashiho cheered when he saw Haruto. “Get in the car! You smell!”

“Shut up and unlock the door Mashi.” The car door clicked open and Haruto hopped into the backseat. There was a large dude sitting in the driver’s seat who kept fidgeting with a bunch of random controls.

The guy turned around with a giant grin on his face. “Hello! I’m Junkyu. You must be Haruto! Nice to meet you!”

Haruto bowed. “Hello. Yes, I am Haruto. Nice to meet you as well.”

“Ruto! How were tryouts?”

“They were really good. Coach pulled me over at the end of tryouts and told me to come early tomorrow morning and try out with the varsity team.”

“Damn! You must be so good!” Junkyu said from the driver’s seat. Haruto tried not to be concerned by the way Junkyu was driving. His head kept swiveling from left to right. “Did you guys play sports back in Japan? All of you were insane at tryouts today!”

“We all played football. I think Mashi and Yoshi played basketball as well.”

“Football? Do you mean football football or soccer football?”

“Eh?”

“Do you kick a ball or do you carry a ball?”

“You kick it. Duh. Why would you carry a ball? That’s just dumb.”

“Americans call a totally different sport football. Don’t worry about it too much. But it’s awesome that you guys are so good.”

“Well to be fair, we were told about that Lacrosse Club and we had a few training sessions every week leading up to try outs.” Mashiho said.

“Ahh! How’d you hear about that? A few of us have been playing on their club teams for a while.”

“My friend told me about it. She’s the person responsible for me in the foreign exchange students program. Hanbyul?”

“Oh! I know who you’re talking about. Her brother was a legend at this school. He was a top recruit since his sophomore year here. But right before the most important game of his senior year he tested positive on a drug test and he couldn’t play. It totally turned him, his team, and the school around. He got dropped by the college that was recruiting him. But I heard he struck a deal with a pro-team and I guess he’s been training with them. The dude was in a league of his own.”

“Damn. That’s insane.”

“Yeah, our school takes lacrosse pretty seriously. The best players at our school get recruited to some of the best schools so it’s a great opportunity.”

Haruto knew there were probably more important things to be thinking about in this conversation but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could get you to come to one of his games.

The second day of tryouts Haruto was absolutely on fire. His shorts were shart, his passes were quick, and his steps were light. The varsity team was definitely of a different caliber but Haruto found the challenge fun. It was nice to be able to play with the rest of the Japanese boys as well.

At the end of varsity tryouts the coach pulled him over, “you were great out there today. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling alright coach.”

“Up for a few more hours?”

Haruto paused, but then nodded. He wasn’t in a place to argue with his coaches. “Sure.”

“Great. Then I want you to continue through JV tryouts. Grab some water and then head back out onto the field.”

“Alright coach.”

Haruto jogged out to the edge of the field. He was surprised to see Hanbyul sitting at the edge of the bleachers. “What’s up?”

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to watch your second day of tryouts.”

“Are you sure you’re here to watch me?”

“Shut up. Why are you all sweaty already?”

“Coach had me try out with the varsity team today.”

Hanbyul’s eyes widened. “Dang, you must be awesome. The last two boys that made it onto the varsity team as sophomores were my brother and his best friend Bobby.”

Haruto shrugged. “The game is fun. It would be awesome to play on varsity.”

The coach blew his whistle, signalling all the players to come back out onto the field. Haruto turned around and gathered around. Every so often throughout the day Haruto ran back to the bleachers where Hanbyul sat. His bag was stowed away there as was his secret stash of Coca-Cola. It probably wasn’t smart to be drinking Coke in the middle of tryouts but every so often he needed a pick-me-up.

“You need to quash that habit.”

“Yeah yeah.”

At the end of the day the coach told Haruto to wait for him inside his office. So Haruto did just that.

“So what’d you think about tryouts today?” Coach asked.

“It was intense.”

“Yeah, what did you think of the way the varsity team played?”

“They were quicker, sharper, and more nimble.”

“Good observation. Do you think you were good enough to play on their level?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then answer me another question. If you had to pick another player from the JV tryouts today to pull up to Varsity who would you pick?”

Haruto thought about it for a second. The answer was obvious. The only other person who seemed to put up a fight with him was “Jeongwoo.”

“Good guess.” The coach laughed. “I don’t know what they feed you kids in Japan. But all four of you are good.”

There was a knock on the door. Haruto turned around to see Jeongwoo. He smirked when he saw the sour expression on Jeongwoo’s face. But it was gone once he had walked into the room and stood adjacent to Haruto.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

The last place Haruto expected to run into you was at the hospital. The last thing you were expecting at the hospital was for a dude to come up behind you and scare you. It was horrible, you can’t remember the last time you screamed so loudly, let alone at a public place.

“What are you doing here Y/N?”

“Uh, I’m-” you hesitated, trying to craft an answer that was vague enough that you wouldn’t have to tell the whole truth but not vague enough that he wouldn’t continue to ask questions. But thankfully Haruto seemed to take it upon himself to fill the silence.

“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I totally misjudged you when I first met you? In fact, I thought I hated you.”

Alarm bells went off in your head. Was it normal for a person to come to you and tell you they hated you? “Uh, thanks?”

But Haruto continued. “But I wanted to say I totally read you wrong. You’re actually really cool. And I wanted to say thank you. For remembering my name.”

That was the first time someone had ever said that to you. You stared at him blankly unsure of how to respond.

“Haruto! Haruto! Haruto! Please report to waiting room 105, the doctor is ready for you now.” The voice over the loudspeaker belted.

“Well, that’s me.” Haruto said with a soft smile on his face. He got up and waved goodbye to you before heading to the back of the office.

Once he was safely out of sight you pulled out your notebook. Your face paled once you flipped through it a few times. You thought about what to do. What did this guy want? You wrote out all these questions in your notebook. Then you came to a conclusion of what to do and wrote that down in your notebook as well.

You ripped out a piece of paper from your notebook and scribbled your number on it. Then got up to the receptionist desk. “Hi, I don’t know if you’re allowed to do this. But when that guy Haruto comes out. Would you mind giving him this?”

You handed the sheet of paper over to her, the receptionist gave you a look and then a wink before accepting the sheet of paper. You figured that meant she accepted, so you waved goodbye and left the hospital.

“Excuse me sir!” The receptionist lady called out to Haruto as he was about to head out of the doctor’s office. What felt and looked like a nasty possible sprain on the lacrosse field just turned out to be a measly bruise.

Haruto approached the reception desk. “There was a young lady earlier. She asked me to give this to you before you leave.”

Haruto looked at the slip of paper. His eyes widened into the size of large gumballs when he realized what was on it. He felt like his heart would explode. But then his mind pumped the brakes, he wasn’t ungrateful, but why did you give him your number?

On the way back home you second guessed your decision at least 30 times. Why did you give him your number? The only reason you could think of was that you didn’t want to not know the guy. Contrary to what your mind and your diary told you. Your heart didn’t want to give him up. Maybe it was selfish and confusing, who knew? But who cared?

Haruto’s excitement was cut short when he finished punching your number into his contacts. Before he could even send a message to you, his phone rang. Hanbyul.

“Hey Hanbyul, what’s up?”

Haruto became alarmed when he heard a sniff and a muffled sob. “Haruto, I miss him.”

Haruto sighed. “He’ll come around soon.”

“Is there nothing you can do to make him come around sooner?”

“Hanbyul. If all goes well he’s going to be my teammate. Plus, what could I possibly say to change things?”

“I don’t know. He probably thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Haruto paused. “Is that why you’re friends with me?”

“No, no I swear it’s not. You’re an amazing person and you’ve been an amazing friend.”

“Hanbyul.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like what you’re asking me to do. But you are my friend. If you’re really sure this is the way you want to go about it.”

“I’m- I’m not sure. I just need things to change.”

On the third day of tryouts Haruto was in a funk. And it showed. The events of yesterday night haunted him, he was happy to see you but he was sorry for Hanbyul. Haruto didn’t really like to fight with anybody, but he found her requests unreasonable and the questions she asked about you probing and uncomfortable.

It seemed as if Jeongwoo was the same way. Haruto gave into the niggling voice inside his head and said probably he shouldn’t have said. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

It pushed Jeongwoo off the edge and the two of them went at it. Haruto played ferociously and aggressively. As did Jeongwoo. The game ended when Jeongwoo illegally body checked Haruto.

“Dude what the hell is your problem?”

“No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

Valid. But Haruto wasn’t going to admit that. “Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

Haruto stood by as he and Jeongwoo got scolded for their behavior. Eventually, tryouts ended with neither one ending up on the varsity team. Haruto knew he probably should have been more bothered but he wasn’t. He had other things on his mind.

When Haruto exited the office he saw Hanbyul waiting outside. She turned to look away from Jeongwoo back to Haruto. Tired and hopeful that their saga would end, Haruto smiled and jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo. Hanbyul smiled and ran after Jeongwoo.

Since the fateful day you have Haruto your number. Whenever he had a free moment he would ask to see you. After each time you saw him, you thoroughly wrote down everything that had happened in the day. You didn’t want to forget.

A few Mondays ago, you went to get ice cream together. “What’s your favorite food, Haruto?”

“Me? Anything unhealthy.”

You whacked him on the arm for that.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a stupid teenage boy. And because I’m jealous of your metabolism.”

A couple Thursdays ago, Haruto asked you if you wanted to go watch a movie with him. The Uber and the weather didn’t quite work out. “Sorry we missed the movie by 45 minutes. But on the bright side, it’s not raining anymore!”

You laughed. “I guess you’re right. What should we do instead now that we’re here?”

Haruto looked around. He pointed at the grassy meadow. “We should just lay down on the grass and look at the stars.”

“The grass is wet.”

“Look, they're selling plastic tarps over at that convenience store. Let’s just buy one.”

“Okay.”

Haruto paid for a plastic tarp and spread it down out on the grassy meadow. The two of you laid on the ground parallel to one another. Until Haruto turned to you “can I hold you?”

You felt your face flush and you looked away. You hesitated for a few moments but eventually Haruto smiled when he heard a soft “yeah.”

So he moved his arm as you lifted your head to rest on top of it. You curled into him as his arm wrapped around your upper body. Haruto’s stomach exploded in butterflies. Your face was on fire. But the two of you were happy, blissful.

Last Friday night Haruto asked you to come to one of his lacrosse games. “Y/N, this is my friend Hanbyul. Hanbyul, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N?” Hanbyul stared at you eyes wide. Like she knew something. She looked like she wanted to say something but she held it in. You wondered what it was, but decided not to think too much about it.

Hanbyul was sweet. She kept you company throughout the game. But she was an aggressive cheer-er. Most of her attention was spent yelling at the field. Her energy was contagious and by the end of the game you were standing on the bleachers cheering “Go Haruto!”

Now it was Saturday and the two of you had finally gone to see the movie that you had meant to see a couple Thursdays ago. You clasped onto the arm that Haruto had held out for you as you exited the movie theater. “That movie was so good! It was so crazy!”

Haruto laughed. “Yeah it was okay.”

“Just okay? You didn’t like it?”

“No, I liked it. It wasn’t bad. But I feel like there were better movies from this cinematic universe you know?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Which one was your favorite?” Haruto asked.

“Huh?” You looked up at Haruto to see him looking down at you. You turned away. “Um. Would you wanna come back to my place?”

“Huh?” Haruto wasn’t normally caught off guard but this time he was.

“I mean. Not like that. I just, I don’t know I’m not ready for the night to end and I figured since my place is close by we could just go back and chat.”

Haruto smiled. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Let’s go.”

Soon after the two of you arrived at your place, Haruto got situated on the couch and after making sure he was properly settled in. You had gotten up to go fetch your drinks. Haruto spotted your notebook sitting on the edge of the coffee table. He glanced over to see that your attention was fully occupied on making your drinks. Haruto turned back to stare at the notebook. No. The notebook was staring at him. Haruto knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t peek.

But he couldn’t help it. Every time he saw you he either saw the notebook with you or he saw you writing the notebook and every time he even remotely looked in its direction you guarded it with your life. This could be his only chance.

And so, Haruto grabbed the notebook. He flipped through it and saw that it was very meticulously dated. Upon closer inspection he noticed that each entry was timed as well and every timed entry had extensive details about what you saw, what you talked about. Then he flipped backwards and found one page not like the others.

This page wasn’t dated. Instead, it was titled. Haruto. Haruto’s eyes widened. Every line of his designated page was filled. There were things about him on there that even he hadn’t realized he had said. Why had you written all these things down? All these details didn’t seem that important to him. They were like things that were probably easily remembered. Or things you could ask him about, he’d answer if you ever asked him about.

Just as he was about to continue flipping through the pages of the notebook. “What do you think you’re doing?”

An index card fluttered out of the notebook right at Haruto’s feet. Haruto bent down to pick it up. But in a panic you kicked his shin and as he howled and grabbed onto his leg you snatched the card. “What the hell Y/N?”

“No. I should be asking you that. I’ve made it abundantly clear that this notebook is not to be touched. It’s incredibly private to me.”

“What is it? Why is it so important? I asked Hanbyul what it might be and she just said it was probably a diary. What is so special about yours?”

“What is so special about mine?” you were so angry you felt like your head was about to pop. While your head didn’t pop. Your mouth certainly did. “What is so special about mine? This notebook? This notebook. Is my memory. I don’t have a memory.”

You tossed the card at Haruto. He picked it up and read the words on the card as you spoke.

“At age 13 you were involved in a very traumatic car accident. The accident left you in a coma for two weeks. After you recovered from your coma you were diagnosed with anterograde amnesia. From that day on, you no longer have the ability to make memories. The memories you make within a day will only last until you fall asleep wherein your memories of the previous day will be wiped. Use your notebooks to keep track of your days. Use these notebooks to help you remember.”

You could hear your voice waver as you finished reciting the contents on the index card.

“Y/N, I-” Haruto said. The world seemed grayer and grimmer. Everything made so much sense now. Why every time he spoke to you in school you had to ask for his name. Why sometimes you looked confused or blank when he mentioned something or attempted to crack a joke.

“So now you know.” You whispered. You could feel your body start to heave, your breathing became heavy. The gravity of what you had just exposed started to weigh down on you. “You need to leave. You need to leave and never come back.”

“Y/N. I wish you would have told me.”

“Why?” You snarled. “Why would I tell you that? Each day I wake up I can’t even remember who you are. Why would I have told you anything? Just so you could go around pitying me? Telling everyone else about me? Absolutely not.”

Haruto started to feel tears well up in his own eyes. He felt trapped in his own body as he watched your body fail yours. When he saw you collapse something snapped in his head and he got up and picked you up. One arm held you under your shoulder blades and the other below your knees.

“Get. Out.” you said in between wheezes.

“No. Y/N. I’m sorry. I don’t want to. Let me help you.”

“Get. Out.” you said, barely conscious.

“Y/N. You’re scaring me. What do I do? How do I help you? Let me help you and I’ll leave you alone.”

Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what exactly was going on. Maybe it would be smart to have Haruto call your doctor before he left. “Emergency Numbers. Notebook.”

Haruto placed you down on your bed just as you had passed out. Haruto immediately ran back to the living room and grabbed your notebook that had fallen onto the ground. He flipped through it frantically. What page were the emergency numbers on? He saw them scribbled on the inside of the back cover. He grabbed his phone and dialed the first number listed at the top.

“Hello? Is this Y/N’s doctor? She’s just passed out and I don’t know what to do. I’m in her apartment right now. Someone please come help me.” Haruto hadn’t even realized that tears had been streaming down his face until he saw wet splotches appear on the notebook. He wiped them quickly and sniffed. “This is scaring me.”

“Yes, this is Y/N’s doctor. I’m on my way over. Who is this?”

“Haruto. I’m a friend of hers.”

“Haruto. You did good, son. Just wait. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Doctor. Is she gonna be okay?”

“Honestly I can’t tell you right now. I have to check up on her. Right now I’m in front of her door so you can let me in.” The call ended and Haruto opened the door.

“Is she in her room?” The stout man asked.

Haruto nodded and followed him back into your room. He tried to help the doctor but eventually the doctor turned to him and said “son, just relax. Give me some space. She should be fine. She had a panic attack, something must have worked her up. But she’ll wake up. But, it might be better if you aren’t here by the time she wakes up.

“I understand, doctor.”

The doctor took a good look at him. Then nodded grimly before turning his attention back to you. Before Haruto could leave though he saw a stack of index cards, a roll of washi tape, and a pen sitting on your desk. He was still holding your notebook from earlier. He grabbed the materials and headed back out to the living room.

Before he left he scribbled out a note. Then pulled something out of his wallet and taped it to the back of the index card. He then taped the index card to the inside of the front cover before shutting the notebook and leaving it in the middle of your coffee table. He held in a sob as he got up. How had things gone so sour so quickly?

Haruto walked back over to your room and peeked in. Your doctor was still busy doting on you. So he turned around and exited your apartment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Junkyu. “Hey, can you pick me up?”

“Yeah of course. Send me the address.” Junkyu said, trying not to be too alarmed by the tone of Haruto’s voice.

Eventually, you woke up. After reading the note that your doctor had taped to your hand explaining the situation you took a deep sigh. What a shit show. You needed to find the notebook your doctor had mentioned in his note.

It was sitting in the very middle of your coffee table. You flipped through the last few pages to read your entries. Your eyes started to water and you felt yourself get emotional. You could sense that you had grown close to someone. You read about yourself and how you felt about Haruto, but who was Haruto? For the most part you had made peace with your situation but for the first time in a long time, you began to feel frustrated. Angry. Cheated of a normal life that other 16 year old girls got to live.

Just as you were about to shut the notebook you noticed there were two index cards taped to the inside cover. The first one explained your situation. It was more or less what your doctor had just explained to you. But the second one was new. You lifted it up to your face and began to read it aloud.

Y/N,

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are the love of my life. My name is Haruto Watanabe and I am 16 years old. I met you for the first time in our freshman year of high school back then when we lived in Japan. We were only 14 years old. I used to be jealous of you, how you beat me in school every time even if just by a little bit. I also resented you because I thought you never bothered to remember my name.

By some stroke of fate, we both ended up in America. Whether by fate or not we saw each other a few more times and met up with each other and I really began to fall for you. You are the kindest, most beautiful, and genuine person I have ever met in my life.

I want you to know that even with your condition. My opinion and my feelings towards you have not changed. I want to be honest with you and tell you what I did and I hope in time you can read this and not feel angry.

Y/N, I did something bad. I invaded your privacy. You see, every time I saw you you fiercely guarded this notebook. Everytime I asked about it or possibly glimpsed at it you would react so strongly so eventually the curiosity of needing to know what was in the notebook killed me. And one day when your attention was occupied elsewhere, I read it.

It seemed like a regular diary to me but you caught me in the act and got upset with me. You explained to me your condition and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I behaved so insensitively. If I were a more selfless man I would have left your life for good. But I am not. I’ve attached my school I.D. to the back of this card. On it has my name, my picture, and my phone number.

If you ever find it in yourself to forgive me. Please give me a call. I will always love you.

Love,

Haruto Watanabe

You flipped the back of the card over. Sure enough there was a school I.D. taped to the back. You pulled the card off and stared at it. The boy in the picture was handsome. He was tall. His height was 6’2”. You scoffed, at least you had good taste.

You saw his phone number at the bottom. You pondered over whether or not to call him, what would you even say to him? Where would he even fit in your life?

These were the questions that ran through your mind as you pulled your phone out and dialed his number. You stared at the numbers as you recited them aloud again. Your thumb hovering above the green button.

[sansbun]

INTRO | PART 1 | NEXT

Word count: 1.1k

Warning: mentions of bullying, slight mention of death, racism, depressing themes.

They say the less you know, the better. Clearly I didn’t understand what everyone meant by that. It’s not that I was against finding out, but I definitely didn’t expect I’d figure out in such a agonizing way..

Let me take you back in time where my life slowly started changing before I could even register it, shaping it into the bittersweet chaos that it’s now.

I was born here in South Korea, in a somewhat small town near Seoul. Personally I don’t recall many memories apart from being bullied as soon as I entered school. I don’t have the typical looks you see, I was a little more.. “sun kissed” then the kids here and my facial features also made me stand out from the crowd, not in a good way of course. I was always picked on and made fun of, but that didn’t really bother me at such a age. I was too clueless and young to understand any of their actions and remarks towards the color of my skin.

However things began to get worse once it wasn’t only my classmates picking on me. When the teachers joined in on the name calling and mistreating, my parents did all they could and even made me transfer schools, thinking the situation would get better. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Not the first time, not even the second time and definitely not the third time around.

It only got worse as name calling turned into taking away privileges, that the other kids had. For example, not letting me use the restroom, resulting me in peeing myself in front of the whole class. Not only did that further fuel the bullying and I became a laughing stock, but it also caused me a series of health problems when it occurred in winter, for obvious reasons.

My parents couldn’t do anything anymore as no matter how many times I switches schools, they somehow always had a problem with accepting me and respecting me, weather it be the classmates or the actual teachers.

The final straw was my beloved grandfather passing away due to an accident. I was only 9 years old when my whole family flew to America to start a brand new life. Since then I only remember happy memories as school wasn’t a constant nightmare anymore. I felt more at home and welcomed in a country I’ve never been in, then in my own country.

I couldn’t even speak english properly, yet nobody judged me for that. Nobody mocked me for being different. There were many kids like me who went through a similar process and soon enough, I started making friends and stepped out of my shell.

I was always a shy kid, but at this point I bloomed into a social butterfly. Always excited and running around somewhere. I was a really good student actually. My grades were high and I had good manners so I was never in uncomfortable situations in school. I even got my classmates to hang out with me after class! Soon enough I found out I have a huge passion for dancing, as I spent most of my days making up choreographies with my best friend. Sometimes we’d even stay up past midnight, practicing over and over and enjoying every second of it.

She was a little older than me, taller than me, and obviously more skilled compared to me. And that’s exactly why I adored her so much. I looked up to her. She was like a older sister that I never had. We would dance for hours and hours. I felt truly happy at that point in my life, my family was happy and safe, I had friends and i finally wasn’t scared to be myself.

But one day it all changed, I woke up confused with no answers. It was so sudden.. I went from getting ready for school, to packing up my bags and saying goodbye to my best friend. What exactly happened? Ah I still don’t have answers till this day, but at that time the only thing I knew was that it was my dad’s fault.. and I still can’t bring myself to forgive him from taking the freedom he once gave me.

Everything happened so quickly. I remember crying so much that I couldn’t see.. so much that I most likely knocked myself out, as I remember waking up in the middle of a very long airplane flight. It was like my whole life was shattering. The fear of being unsafe once again really got to me. I felt so helpless.

My friends.. they’re taken away from me again. Why is it that everytime im close to someone, they dissapear? Why must fate always tear me apart from the people I care about? That’s probably not what a kid should be feeling or thinking about but here we are. I had no idea what was coming, I was scared but I truly didn’t imagine it would be this bad..

It went from being happy around everyone to being afraid of people, even being in a room with a few people made me anxious. As if adjusting to a new place wasn’t already hard for a kid in their early teens, the bullying had to start once again. This time with my peers acting as if I was invisible, as if I didn’t exist. I guess it started out as a joke, making fun of my accent, to me not being able to spell in my own language due to not speaking it while I grew up in the states.

But soon it turned into pretending like they don’t see me, hear me or awknowlege my presence. Little by little it got worse, from trash talking about me while I was in the room, to denying to talk to me and partner up with me in class, all the way to throwing out my belongings in the trash.. including my school work, contents of my backpacks and even my shoes..

We weren’t exactly well off and those shoes meant a lot for me, they were from my dad who managed to find me the same pair of shoes as my favorite group at that time, BTS. I danced in those shoes, I went to school with them, actually now that I come to think of it.. they were my only shoes that looked presentable.

We worse slippers in school, and on that particular day I came home very late, humiliated and with my head full of thoughts and questions on why others dislike people like me so much. I spent a few hours looking for my shoes, even the teacher didn’t understand, but when she found them in the school trashcan she didn’t even stand up for me.

She thought I did it on purpose to make the other kids look bad.. however when the principal found out she had a talk with those girls which resulted in them being even harsher with me. Thank god elementary is over and I’m finally in high school.

A/N: After a very long wait it’s finally here! Sorry it took so long I had a writers block and couldn’t get myself to finish it, I wasn’t proud of the way it turned out at first but I hope you somewhat enjoyed reading this and that it didn’t make ur mood drop 🥺

[freddiedearfriend]

Plus One - A Night at the Fandom “Secret Santa” Gift!

This is my gift for @brianmays-badgers​ for @dtfrogertaylor​‘s A Night at the Fandom event! This story ended up quite different from what I set out to do, but I’m kind of into it. It’s less “enemies to lovers” like I intended and more “Reader is a badass who doesn’t take shit from men.” I hope you like it! 🐛💖

Plus One

Gwilym Lee x F!Reader

Word count: 4.3k

Rating: Explicit

A/N: No offense to any Caitlins out there! Also, this is actually the first fic I’ve ever completed (let alone posted online) and I have no beta reader so I’d love to hear your honest opinion, criticisms and all! Like for real, I know I have a lot of room for improvement so I’d love to hear what you liked and what you think could be better. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a while since you felt so relaxed. School was just as busy as always, but you had been feeling especially tightly wound lately, unable to shake the tension that seemed to permeate your entire being.

But now, for the first time in weeks, you felt like yourself again. Dancing always seemed to have that effect on you. Some god-awful remix of an Ariana Grande song was playing, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You had just enough alcohol in your system to make you feel relaxed, loose, but not out of control. You didn’t remember exactly how you had arrived at that point, but that didn’t really bother you.

You were dancing with someone, but it was dark, and everything felt a little blurry in a pleasant way, and you couldn’t see who it was. You could certainly feel him, though, your bodies pressed impossibly close together as you moved to the music. Large, strong hands held your hips, which you swayed back and forth to the beat of the song. You sensed the pulsing presence of the other clubgoers around you, but the warmth radiating from your partner overpowered the usual stuffiness of such a crowd.

You sighed, tossing your hair back and running your hands up your partner’s torso, feeling the muscles underneath his (admittedly slightly sweaty) shirt. You brushed his chest with your fingers before sliding your hands up to grasp his shoulders.

Your partner leant down, whispering in your ear. His hot breath, smelling slightly of beer, made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It was oddly pleasant.

“This isn’t real.”

You looked up, slightly confused. All of a sudden, the club’s strobe lighting was too bright and disorienting, and you became acutely aware of the blood pulsing throughout your body. You still couldn’t see your partner’s face.

“What?” you shouted over the music, your own voice echoing loudly in your ears.

Your partner gave a throaty chuckle, and you slowed your dancing a bit, feeling as if you had just realized something important. You couldn’t conclude what it was, though; the alcohol was causing your brain to lag and keeping you from finishing the thought.

This time you saw as the shadowy figure of your partner, who stood well over a foot taller than you, hunched over considerably to speak to you again.

“You really think this would ever happen? Can’t you see who I am?”

You suddenly felt too sweaty, standing still in the middle of the dance floor as you tried to focus on the man’s face. Your eyes worked to adjust to the dimness being constantly punctuated by obnoxiously bright flashes of light, and eventually you were able to make contact with a pair of bright blue eyes staring down at you.

“There she is. Hello, Y/N.”

You startled awake, frantically fishing around in the sheets for your buzzing phone. You found it and snoozed the alarm, grimacing at the bright screen and the ungodly hour it displayed. “Fucking hell,” you groaned, turning over and pulling the covers over your head. You cursed your past self for thinking early-morning training for basketball would be good idea, a way to get more involved at school. Now that the time had come, you decided you really couldn’t care less about team building.

When your alarm went off for the second time a few minutes later, you took a resigned breath and dragged yourself out of bed.

This wasn’t the first time you had dreamt about Gwilym Lee. In fact, the dreams had been increasing in frequency lately, making you more and more irritated and tense as the weeks went on. As if you needed any more reason to hate him. He had ruined your life.

Okay, so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. Your life was still going on relatively smoothly in most respects. But for the last few weeks you really had felt quite on edge, and Gwil was to blame.

It all sounded rather cliché when you thought about it. He was the freakishly beautiful British cousin of one of your classmates, visiting America for an acting apprenticeship and breaking the hearts of nearly everyone he encountered in his tragically short time there. Of course, he just had to get all chummy with your friend Joe, meaning you had to be around his pretentious ass constantly. (You were not going to let the presence of this interloper stop you from hanging out with one of your best friends.) And, the cherry on top of this disgusting shepherd’s pie, it was rumored that he was hooking up with Caitlin, a former friend of yours with whom you weren’t on the best of terms. None of this was helped by the fact that you weren’t exactly known for keeping your feelings to yourself, so everyone involved was aware of your varying levels of annoyance with both parties. The entire situation seemed like it could have been the plot of a bad romantic drama or young adult novel.

You just wished all of this could have waited until afteryour birthday. Nineteen isn’t usually one of the big birthday milestones, but you had been deathly ill last year on your eighteenth and had been planning to make up for it this year—and make up for it big time.

With the help of your parents and a distant yet generous great-aunt, you were able to rent out a barcade downtown for the evening. The place was a bar and was meant for adults, but also had laser tag, a bouncy obstacle course, and a wide variety of arcade games. When open to the public it was twenty-one and up, but they allowed minors at reserved events. You had sent out the invitations before Gwil showed up and stuck his stupid, chiseled jawline in your business, but you invited pretty much everyone he knew and it would be odd—and frankly, pretty rude—if he just wasn’t allowed to come. So he would be there.

All you could do was plan to keep your distance and hope that things went off without a hitch tonight.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite every cell in your body crying out for you to go back to sleep, you made it through the early morning training as well all of your classes. After your last class, you went back to your dorm room and took a quick power nap before it was time to get ready for your party.

Since your party would involve some rather physical activities, you decided to forgo a particularly elaborate or high-maintenance look, instead putting on minimal makeup, your favorite pair of black jeans with a nice blouse, and a simple half-up, half-down hairstyle. You put in a pair of silver hoop earrings and some black velvet flats and admired yourself in the mirror. You looked damn good.

Your friend Lucy picked you up in her car and you rode to the barcade together. You had about half an hour to get things set up before other guests started arriving, and you puttered around pouring snacks into bowls and hanging streamers.

You were standing and chatting with Lucy when people began to show up.

“Wassup, Y/N!” Joe, always one to make an entrance, greeted you loudly. You quickly set down your paper cup of lemonade before Joe gave you a huge hug, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around.

“Looking incredible as always! Feel old yet?”

You laughed and half-heartedly adjusted your hair and top, pretending to be annoyed. “Please, Joe, I’m a year younger than you.”

Joe gave Lucy a quick hug in greeting before turning back to you. “Yes, and I’m telling you from experience, it really starts to hit you around nineteen. My back is killing me as we speak!” he said rather cheerfully for someone who was allegedly in pain.

“Whatever you say, old man.”

“Well hey now, you know what they say about respecting your elders.”

“Yeah, right. You already convinced me to let Gwil come. Don’t push your luck. You’re gonna keep that Laurence Olivier wannabe in check tonight, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Joe replied, straightening up and giving you a salute. “No impromptu soliloquies will be performed tonight if I can help it.”

“Oh god, I would die,” you laughed and rolled your eyes. “Although if he did that then I would have a great excuse to kick him out.”

Joe gave a goofy grin but then spoke with a more serious voice. “Y/N, I know you’re tired of hearing it, but he’s really not that bad. When you get him alone he’s much less…”

“…of a huge douchebag?”

“Well, for lack of a better word, yes. In fact, I really think he acts so weird around you because he—”

“Oh god, Joe, don’t even try to give me the ‘boys pull your hair because they like you’ thing. That’s so second grade.”

“Okay, okay,” Joe put his hands up in defense. “All I’m saying is…he does talk about you a lot. And it’s not all bad.”

You gave a dramatic sigh, wanting to end the conversation. The truth was, the fact that Gwil talked about you when you weren’t around piqued your interest, but you didn’t want Joe to see that. “Oh great, that makes me feel much better. Whatever. I don’t want to spend any more energy talking about him. Let’s get this party started.”

“Great. That’s the spirit. Now, can I interest you in a round of Whack-A-Mole?”

“Oh, absolutely. You’re on.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soon enough the party was in full swing, and you were making rounds, checking in with as many people as possible to make sure everyone was having a good time. You had just joined in a heated debate over which of the university’s physics professors was the best when you felt someone tap on your shoulder.

“Y/N, can I borrow you for a moment?” Joe was behind you looking almost sheepish, an expression you were not used to seeing on your normally boisterous and confident friend. You excused yourself from the conversation and walked a few feet away to talk with Joe in private.

“Okay, please do not freak out right now, but I have to tell you something,” Joe said carefully, his arms held in front of him, fists balled up nervously.

“Uh, okay, but you’re making it sound like I’m definitely gonna freak out right now,” you replied, looking at him with your brow furrowed in confusion and concern.

“No, it’s, well it’s not really that big of a deal, it’s just…Gwil brought Caitlin.” Joe muttered quickly, cringing as he tried to gauge your reaction.

Without thinking, you whipped your head around, scanning the room for either of the offending parties. You looked back at Joe, plastering on a fake smile so as to not appear as surprised and angry as you actual were.

“Of course he fucking did. Bastard. Where are they?”

“I swear he never mentioned it to me, when I told him he could come I never mentioned bringing a plus one. I’m so sorry, Y/N, I should have been clearer. I didn’t think—"

He looked so guilty and sad, and you just couldn’t be mad at that face. You sighed. “It’s okay, Joe, it’s not your fault. You just assumed he would have common sense and ask before bringing a guest, but they must have different party etiquette across the pond, huh?”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, I’m gonna make it up to you. I’ll take you for Chinese, just the two of us.”

“That does sound pretty nice. We haven’t been to Lucky Kitchen in a while.”

“Great, then it’s a plan. But hey, just ignore those two and enjoy your party, okay? You deserve this.”

“Thanks, Joe. And thanks for telling me, at least I’m prepared to run into either of them now.”

“That’s my girl,” Joe said, patting you firmly on the shoulder. “Now get back to your adoring fans.”

You chuckled and flipped your hair over your shoulder dramatically, turning back to the conversation you were having.

But you found it a little hard to focus on the discussion now. You were on edge, desperately trying to keep eye contact with the people you were talking to rather than checking your peripheral vision for your unwanted guests. Eventually the group you were chatting with decided to start a game of laser tag, and you enthusiastically joined in, letting the thoughts of Gwil and Caitlin’s presence run off your back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several intense games of laser tag and a Dance Dance Revolution tournament later, you were warm and happy and still mostly distracted from the presence of your two uninvited guests.

Then it was time for cake. The lights were dimmed, and your friends and family began to sing as the cake was brought out, sparklers in place of candles. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands. It was one of the most unique and beautiful cakes you had ever seen.

You had planned on just getting a few sheet cakes from Costco, since they were cheap and actually not half bad, but your parents insisted that they had it covered and surprised you with a huge custom cake from a bakery in town. It was four tiers, alternating chocolate and vanilla, and the entire thing was iced with a mint chocolate chip buttercream frosting and covered in white fondant roses.

You made a mental note to write that great-aunt a thank you card.

After everyone had gotten at least one helping of cake, they began to return to the games or sit in small groups in conversation. You stood near the table where the cake was, taking everything in. You were definitely started to lose steam now, but you mostly just felt pleasantly sleepy as you gazed out over the room. You had had a pretty perfect night so far. Then a nearby conversation brought you out of your daze.

“Like, who wants to play fucking Whack-A-Mole at an adult’s birthday party? I’m surprised this many people actually showed up.”

You recognized that voice immediately. Caitlin. An old friend-turned-frenemy-turned-full-on enemy, a voice you just couldn’t seem to get away from ever since elementary school.

“And she was actually, like, crying over the cake. Like are you kidding? Get a grip.”

You were too shocked to even be angry at first. You pulled out your phone surreptitiously, opening your conversation with Joe and sending him a text.

Omg, Caitlin and Gwil are talking shit

Almost immediately, you received the read receipt and then Joe’s response.

Not if I can help it

You stared at your phone, confused. Joe was nowhere to be seen, let alone do anything about this. You were typing out a response suggesting as much when you heard his voice—but not directed at you.

“Hey Gwil. Caitlin. How’s it goin’?” Joe was sweaty and attempting to catch his breath, clearly having just come from the bouncy obstacle course. He took a swig from a water bottle as he walked up to them.

Oh, no,you thought. What are you doing, Joe?

“Ugh, fine,” Caitlin replied to Joe. “Not really understanding the whole ‘adults playing arcade games’ thing but whatever. At least the cake was good.”

Gwil snorted. “Yeah, would help if I had something to drink, too.” God, he was so fucking arrogant. You couldn’t stand it.

“I have no idea what you guys are talking about,” Joe said cheerfully, “I’m having more fun than I have in long time. Nothing like some friendly competition to take your mind off midterms coming up. Come on, go through the obstacle course with me. Just once. We can race!”

Gwil seemed to perk up a little bit at this suggestion, but Caitlin quickly shot it down.

“Huh, yeah, thanks but no thanks. I’d like to keep at least a little of my dignity tonight.”

Joe frowned at her. “If you don’t like any of this stuff, why’d you even come?”

Oh god. Now he was really going to start something.

“Duh, free food. Free cake. Chance to make fun of Y/N. And I just couldn’t let this one go all alone,” Caitlin giggled, bumping Gwil with her shoulder. Gwil didn’t seem to share quite the same level of mirth, however, and you followed his nervous gaze to Joe, whose eyes were quickly narrowing.

“First of all, Gwil here was never told he could invite anyone. He wasn’t technically invited himself. Second of all, Y/N is my friend. And if you’re going to talk shit about my friend and her bomb-ass party, I’d rather you do it somewhere else.”

You started wracking your brain for ways you could infiltrate this conversation, get it to end without revealing that you had been eavesdropping. You texted Joe, telling him to call off the dogs, but he either didn’t feel his phone vibrate in his pocket or he was choosing to ignore it. You didn’t realize you were staring until Gwil’s eyes met your own and he smirked, prompting Caitlin and Joe to look over at you.

“Well, speak of the devil,” Gwil crooned, his eyes locked on you as you dragged yourself over to where they were, attempting to look as if you had just casually walked by.

“Y/N, hiiii!” Caitlin said sweetly, a distinct change from the sardonic tone she was using just seconds before. “Oh my god, what a great party. That cake was just to die for.”

“Oh, I’m soglad you’re enjoying it,” you replied through gritted teeth. “Isn’t this place just genius? It’s been so long since I’ve played arcade games like this.”

“Yes, well, it is kind of like Chuck-E-Cheese for adults, isn’t it?” Caitlin’s voice seemed to raise in pitch with every word.

Your eyes narrowed slightly, fake smile still plastered on. “Yeah! It’s so nice to still be able to relax and have fun every once in a while, isn’t it?”

Gwil and Joe were following your conversation like a tennis match, sensing a rising tension in your seemingly friendly exchange.

“For sure. Thanks somuch for the invite,”—don’t remember sending you one,you thought— “but unfortunately Gwil and I have to get going now, don’t we babe?”

Babe? So they were using pet names now? You wanted to vomit.

For once in his life, Gwil seemed hesitant. “I, uh—”

Joe cut in. “Aw, that’s too bad. Well, it was great to see you guys! See you for frisbee tomorrow, Gwil?”

“Uh, yeah, but—”

“Well, it was great to see you, Y/N. Happy birthday!” Caitlin practically squealed as she walked away, pulling Gwil by the arm.

Joe waved at them and began to pull you in the opposite direction, but you caught Gwil glancing back at you as they walked toward the door.

“God, Y/N, I’m so sorry you had to hear that. Fuck, I’m a terrible friend, aren’t I? I insisted on letting Gwil come and he just had to go and bring her, and then they have the nerve to say that shit right in front of you? I’m gonna kill him—”

“Joe. Stop. Breathe. It’s not your fault. If we’re going to blame anyone, it’s gonna be Gwil, ok? He knows how I feel about Caitlin and was still selfish enough to bring her along. That’s fucked up, but you didn’t know he would do it.”

“I know, but—”

“Joe, let’s just forget about this for now, okay? I’m gonna enjoy the rest of my night, not spend it being mad at Gwil.”

Joe took a deep breath. “You’re right. God, you’re too good for us, you know that?”

“Oh, I’m very aware.”

Joe laughed. “Okay, okay, your majesty. Now may I request a rematch of air hockey?”

“Hell yes. You are going down, Mazzello.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After you had beat Joe savagely at several raucous games of air hockey, you snuck away for a breather. You were leaning against the bar, casually scrolling through Tumblr, when someone disrupted your thoughts.

“Y/N? Can we talk?” A British accent. Of course. What was he still doing here?

“I’m not particularly interested in anything you have to say.” You kept your eyes glued to your phone, but you weren’t really looking at it anymore, mainly wanting to appear indifferent to Gwil’s reappearance.

“I know. I just want to tell you that I’m sorry I brought Caitlin tonight. I…didn’t mean to start anything, I just…”

Any attempt to ignore Gwil went out the window. You put your phone in your pocket and looked him in the eye. Fuck, he has beautiful eyes. “You just what? You just thought it would be a great idea to bring the person I dislike the most to a party you weren’t even technically invited to?”

“Well—”

“Oh yes, please. I’d love to hear whatever convoluted justification you’ve come up with. Let’s have it.”

“I know it’s stupid and immature. I’m kicking myself for thinking it could ever work. But…well, I thought you might be…jealous. I thought maybe you would, I don’t know, be angry enough at her to want me for yourself. Or at the very least pay attention to me.”

You stared in disbelief, mouth ajar.

“God, I know, it sounds absolutely mad when I say it out loud. Look, I’ll drop it now, I just hope you understand that I’m really sorry.”

“You…are interested in me.”

“Um, yes.”

“Like, you like me.”

“Quite a lot, actually.”

“And when being condescending and arrogant didn’t work, you thought you would use my ex-friend to piss me off, and I would end up wanting to be with you to get back at her.”

Gwil was silent.

“Where is Caitlin, anyway? I thought you left with her.”

“She did leave, but I told her I wanted to stay. She got mad. She left without me.”

You stared at him for a minute.

“Jesus…you’re even more of an idiot than I thought you were.”

Then you grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the back room behind the bar.

“Wha—where are we—”

You shut the door behind you and backed him up against it.

“Shut up and kiss me already.”

“Wait, you—you want—”

“God, yes, you stupid, beautiful piece of shit.”

Gwil seemed to suddenly snap out of his confusion and into make-out mode, putting one hand on the small of your back and one on the back of your head, pulling you up onto your tiptoes as he leaned down to kiss you. You put your hands on either side of his face, feeling the stubble on his cheeks. His lips were warm, and you could faintly smell his cologne.

After a long few minutes of making out, you slid your hands down his chest and began to undo his belt. Gwil pulled back and put his hands over yours.

“Wait, you—are you sure about this?”

You looked up at him.

“Oh, I am absolutely sure. I know exactly what I want to do with you.”

Gwil shuddered and took his hands away from yours, reaching up into your shirt to undo your bra as you finished undoing his belt.

You moaned into Gwil’s mouth as your lips met again, his thumbs gently circling over your nipples.

You jerked Gwil’s pants and underwear down over his hips and pulled out his dick.

“Aaahhh…oh god,” he groaned, clearly trying to be quiet.

“That’s good, huh? I’ll make sure you feel so good,” you purred.

Gwil breathed heavily as you worked his cock, fumbling to get into your pants as well. Once he succeeded, he stuck his hand in, gasping at what he felt there.

“So wet, oh god.”

“Mmm, yes. Because of you. You made me this wet.”

Gwil clumsily crashed his lips back into yours as he began to rub your clitoris with his fingers. The other hand remained on your breast, brushing over your sensitive, aroused nipple.

You began to rut into his hand, a little embarrassed at how close you were already but wanting to come quickly. You were sure your guests were having a great time, but you wouldn’t want anyone concerned about your absence.

“Faster, Gwil, please.”

He began to move his hand faster, but you slowed yours down. “Mmmph, Y/N. More,” he said gruffly.

“No. Not yet. Make me—ah!—make me come first.”

Gwil’s hand practically vibrated off his body as he moved his hand firmly against your clit. You buried your face in his chest as you came, thrusting erratically against his hand.

“God…yes…so good…” you gasped in between breaths, riding out your orgasm until you couldn’t take any more, pulling Gwil’s hand out of your pants. You looked up at him with hooded eyes and guided his hand toward your face.

“Now, let me taste it.”

Gwil stared with wide eyes and put his fingers, dripping with your come, up to your mouth. You sucked his fingers clean, finally speeding up the hand you had around his cock.

“Oh Jesus, that’s hot.”

You smiled coyly, watching as Gwil’s face and neck began to flush a deep pink.

“I’m—I’m getting—close—”

You took your hand away suddenly.

“Now. You’re going to finish the job.”

Gwil stared at you dumbly.

“You heard me. You’re going to finish yourself off alone, in the utility room of a barcade, and walk out of this party alone. And then maybe you’ll remember this moment before you decide being an asshole to another woman is going to make her want to be with you.”

Gwil shuffled to the side awkwardly as you opened the door, staring at you in disbelief as you strolled back out to the bar. With a contented smile on your face, you headed to the bathroom to freshen up before enjoying the rest of your birthday party.

END

[mintzias]

i don’t think a real introduction post is necessary for me, but i’m still gonna yeet my new character your way. relatively new, beau has been a wip for a while but i never wanted to bring him anywhere for some reason. didn’t feel right before but now i’m gonna try.

anyway, since he’s been under works for a while i actually have a proper info sheet about him saved, so i’m just gonna tweak it a bit and post it under a readmore for anyone who might be interested! he’s not as infuriating as james thank god, so there might be some more connections to me made.

and this is a way for me to feed my obsession with supercars lmao.

tw car accident, death, violence, long post.

born in london to an american mother and english father. spent the first two years of his life in england, being tended to by countless nannies his parents eventually found useless and hired a new one. luckily for beau being so young, he hardly felt the impact of the familiar faces always changing.

on his third year of life he moved to america when his parents were offered a new businesss proposition that required them to be on site most of the time. he lived a posh life in manhattan and was graced with the finest kindergarten while the chaos with the nannies kept on going. not too academically inclined even as a youth, he spent most his time causing trouble and running around like a rascal he still is. this did help him make friends and he was a more physical kid than mental, so he fell easily into the stereotypical boy group.

he was twelve (and his new baby brother was four) when another move came upon them and the family rented out their home and packed their bags. tokyo was calling them for the future and beau was grumpy as hell that he had to leave behind all his friends, and everything he had learned to know just because his parents found a new project to take part in.

they moved, and beau had a hard time adjusting to new culture and new language. he became reclusive and very emo about the injustice his parents made him go through, and it took him close to three years to get his life relatively normal again. he went to school and learned the ways of his new hometown, and reluctantly made friends with his classmates. 

things started to go well and his parents’ project calmed down enough for them to spend more time as a family and not just two businesspeople with a child. things were normal for them, beau continued his academics and his role as an older brother, which would become twice as difficult when his youngest brother was born.

a simple life went by quickly and the next memorable moment was when beau enrolled in university. he wanted to attend a vocational school but his parents scolded him for such menial ideas and told him to keep up his image by getting himself a business degree. he begrudgingly agreed just to please his parents, and with a promise that he would be taking over the million-dollar business.

most of his high school friends parted ways when he started his new studies, but he had a safety new of four when he first stepped into his adulthood, and the harder studies he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish. it was hell, and even if beau tried his hardest, he barely got acceptable grades and was close to flunking. that’s when he met ayame.

romantic meeting or not, she started tutoring him first and eventually they fell in love. they began dating at 19, and it looked like it would last forever. his parents approved of her, and her parents approved of him even with his insecurity about being a foreigner and a whiny white boy.

she was a classic girl-next-door until she dared to show her rebellious side. it took her a year to gather the courage to bring him along to her nightly escapades, and that’s how beau was introduced to street racing. it was a tight community, the underbelly of the tokyo he had learned to know and the racers he had only heard rumors about. ayame was right at home with the gangs and introduced him to them. it became a frequent thing they did together, and ayame taught him their ways, how to race like a pro. it was an adrenaline spike and beau became addicted to it, spending more and more time with the crew while his academics plunged below the point where they could’ve still be saved.

it didn’t take him long to drop out and focus his entire attentions to the races. he never told his parents about his failure as a student, but they didn’t have time to ask him either. he kept his illegal activities away from the eyes of his family and never pulled them into the dangerous lifestyle he was leading.

being acquainted with the wrong side of the law helped beau fake his graduation as well, the fear of his parents knowing of his incompetence fresh on his mind. after the papers were presented, he told them he’d found a job and would be moving in with his girlfriend for better access to the workplace. they agreed and wished him well, and that’s when he became his own man.

he did indeed live with ayame, and they were happily together for four years before he popped the question and they got engaged. it was the happiest time of his life, and the engagement held for a year forward before they would be tragically torn away from each other. 

they partook in a race as a celebration, ayame with her own car and beau with the one he had won some time before. it was a high-stakes race, every car on the line, winner takes all sort of situation. the couple was confident of their chances to walk away with three new supercars, the confidence coming from countless of races won in the past.

the winding roads were coming to an end and beau held his first place while his soon-to-be wife was second. it seemed like a clear win for them until the third placer abandoned the rules set for the race and rammed his car against ayame’s, causing her to lose control in the speed. her wheel hit the curb and spun out, crashing violently, spinning on the asphalt for several meters before coming to a stop.

there was not even a thought spared for the possible win when beau caught what happened through the rearview mirror. the two others that were in last place were the next ones to stop by ayame’s wreckage, and beau yelled at them to help him get her out of the car. when her body finally laid in his arms, she was barely breathing. he tried everything he could to get her to wake up and come back to him, but despite his best efforts, she drew her final breath.

beau was crushed. his entire life fell into pieces when he held his wife for the last time. he was forcefully pulled away from her when the ambulance and police were closing in and his fellow racers tried their best to keep him from going into a rage when he arrived at the finish line. reasoning with him was impossible and his keys were confiscated when he tried to get back to her, his wife. when there was no way to get out, he lashed out at the one that ran her off the road, beating him into a bloody mess. he was restrained before he could take it too far, but the still fought the men holding him back.

he informed his parents, and mourned with her family. the support of her parents helped him stay in line and not lash out too violently even if no day went past that he would cry his eyes out and hit the walls. as much as her accident haunted him, he didn’t withdraw from the races and became determined to get revenge on the man that caused her death. 

avenging her was nothing short of wrathful. on the same road, the same time of the day, same conditions. he abandoned the set rules and swerved full-body against his car when passing him, sending the man into an uncontrollable spin. the wreck wasn’t as bad and the man survived, but beau didn’t stop to help him. he didn’t finish the race and went home, sent a message to his friends and family telling them he was moving back to america. 

trying to adjust back to the american life was hard and without a proper education he didn’t get a job that could support him. as much as he wanted to give up his career in racing, he weaseled his way back into similar crews and got his debut on the streets. it was no different from what he did in tokyo and the competition was the same, still falling behind him after the starting line. he built his reputation from ground up until his name was just a hushed whisper during the meets, their glances full of fearful respect. he left everything behind in tokyo and tries to live his life to the fullest. death doesn’t deal with warnings, a motto to live by.

FUN FACTS!

his everyday car is a 2017 McLaren 570S, while his main racing car is a 2002 mazda rx-7 spirit.

races independently but has claimed a crew for himself nonetheless ( forest hill riders | f.h.r )

owns a private garage where he stores the best cars he has won.

out of sentimentality, the license plate of his day to day car is ‘AYAME’.

he still tells his parents he works in business that pays extremely well. sound weird to say “yeah i make a couple of mil for driving and selling illegal cars”.

he doesn’t admit that he flexes his cars but he absolutely flexes his cars.

careless af with his money. hears someone say “i want that” and he’ll step up and buy it.

takes his work very seriously and is very stoic when it comes to preparing for a race.

fluent in japanese and english, and can put on a british accent like no ones business.

refuses to drive white cars. hates them in fact. does not like white cars.

bought a 1992 honda nsx and restored it to the same condition as ayame’s car was before the crash, down to the smallest imperfection and craziest mods. it’s not in use, but has stood in the garage for nine years.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

another racer, a type of frenemy situation where the competition is playful yet serious. they would have known for at least ten years and hang around each other during meets, but have a wedge between friendship due to different crew affiliation.

either one of his brothers (born 1993 and 1995) who don’t know about his lawless lifestyle but have made something of themselves. or not. i haven’t put much thought into them, just that beau was fiercely protective of them before leaving tokyo. all they know is that he makes money, has a job, and that he’s still shaken from the accident years ago but kept to himself.

any other connections are welcomed too! i’m bad at coming up with these lmao. if you got this far, thanks! 

[kas-not-cas]

People Can Change

Summary: Y/N is a nerd about to graduate from high school. Dean is her best friend's older brother who is always with Sam. Together the two of them fight like cats and dogs, but is it hatred causing it or is it love?

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore, Bobby Singer, Reader

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Chubby!Reader, Sam Winchester x Jessica Moore

Warnings: NSFW, smut, self doubt about weight, language

Word Count: 4,687

Request: Do you think you could write me a fanfic where its Dean x Reader but they're both in high school and the reader is this adorable chubby lil nerd and Dean is a bad boy who used to tease her but they both really like each other and it ends up in smut of fluff please and thank you! Love the writing and keep doing' you!- Anonymous

A/N: This is my submission for @dancingalone21 Lau’s AU Funny Quote Challenge. My quote was “I say we get drunk and shoot crap.” I hope y’all enjoy I loved writing this because I’m a chubby nerd like the reader. Feedback is always welcomed!

The bell for the end of the day chimed, and all of your classmates started packing their things up. Mr Singer, your teacher yelled out to everyone that they needed to bring their homework in on Monday or they’d receive no credit. As everyone else rushed to get out of the class, you took your time packing your things up before walking to the from of the class.

“Mr. Singer, here’s my homework.” He looked up at you with a smile on his face as he took it from you. “I just figured I would give it to you now.”

“My star pupil, thank Y/N I’ll be sure to get this graded and back to you by Monday.”

“Thank Mr. Singer have a great weekend!” You grabbed you Captain America backpack off the back of your chair and headed out into the hallway. People were laughing and chatting as they made their way to the front of the building.

You stopped at your locker putting your books away, “Hey Y/N!” you turned around to see your best friend Sam heading towards you. His girlfriend Jessica clinging to his arm as he waved at you. You couldn’t help but laugh at him, he was so tall you could always spot him out in a crowd he was one of the tallest kids in the school. “Hey, do you have anything planned tonight?”

“What are you talking about Sam?” Cringing you slowly turned around looking up at Sam’s older brother Dean. He was wearing a white t-shirt with black jeans and a matching leather jacket. His sunglasses were on shielding you from his mossy green eyes. “She has no friends aside from the two of you, so why would she have any plans?” He was leaning against the lockers watching you, a smirk pulling at the corners of his pink lips. “No offense.”

“Oh yeah that totally wasn’t offensive at all asshole!” You glared daggers at him as he turned his head in the other direction. “You’ll always be an asshole, and Batman will always suck ass.” You murmured under your breath before turning to look back at Sam and Jess.

“I just heard that insult little nerd!”

“Good I’m glad you heard it!”

“Batman could totally kick Captain Assholes ass!”

“Captain America is a superhero! Batman is a billionaire with a bunch of gadgets.”

Dean pushed himself off the lockers and towered over you. “Oh yeah!? Well at least Batman has a bunch of ass kicking weapons.” He leaned down getting closer to your height, making his point by pushing his sunglasses to rest on the top of his head. “All your stupid Steve Rogers has is a little shield!”

“Captain Rogers was injected with Super-Solider Serum, and through ‘Vita-Ray’ treatment he became a superhero! He’s faster, stronger, and his endurance are better than Batman’s! Captain America would kick his prissy ass in under a minute!”

“Oh you’re on nerd, you take it back right this second!”

“Never!”

“Guys!” Both you and Dean turned around seeing a very confused Sam and Jessica watching you. “If you’re done arguing over useless stuff can we please get on to more serious matters?”

Clearing your throat both you and Dean stole a glance at each other before quickly looking away. You adjusted the strap of your backpack giving Sam an apologetic smile. Dean pushed his sunglasses back down over his eyes before crossing his arms over his chest. You had no idea how Sam and Jessica dealt with you and Dean. The two of you were constantly at each other's throats, all because Dean makes fun of you. And by some miracle Sam was always to separate the two of you.

“I know you’re busy with working on your costume for Comic Con but would you wanna come to the lake with us? There’s going to be a whole bunch of us there.” Glancing down at your shoes your kicked at a scuff against the polished white tile. ‘Come on Y/N, Jess and I are leaving for Stanford in August. We’re not going to be in Kansas much longer.”

Sam and Jessica were your only friends, seeing you couldn’t really count bad boy Dean as one. You were staying to go to a local college while taking art classes online. When they left you were going to have no one but yourself. You could hang out with Dean, but he was too busy working at his Dad’s auto shop to hang out all the time. So this summer was really going to be the last with your friends for awhile.

Jessica placed her hand on your shoulder, “Come on Y/N, it’ll be fun.” She was right, being with them would make this a memorable night.

“Alright, my costume can wait until tomorrow I guess.”

“That’s more like it!” Sam shouted pulling Jessica closer in his arms as the two of them started heading down the hall. “Let’s make this the best night of our lives.”

__________

“This really has been amazing.” Sam smiled staring at the sunset with Jessica sitting next to him. His arm was wrapped around her and they both had a beer in their hand. Jessica leaned her head back against his shoulder as she whispered something to him. Sam tightened his grip around her, standing up suddenly. “Hey. . . uh Dean do you mind if I get the keys to the car?”

Dean was sitting across from you a beer bottle in his hand as he poked at your fire with a stick. “Sammy why do you need my car keys?” He glanced up at his little brother, a knowing smirk across his face. “Are you going to take the log to the beaver?”

“Oh God Dean.” Sam groaned looking aways as his face turned slightly pink. “Are you going to give me the keys or not man. Jessica left her uh-” He looked up at the dusk sky for a brief second, “her sweater in the car.”

“Sure she did. That’s okay you two have fun, what to do you want to do Y/N?” You laughed softly as Sam rolled his eyes. “I say we get drunk and shot stuff. I mean seeing Sammy is going to shooting his own gun.”

“Oh my God Dean knock it off!”

With a final sigh he tossed the keys to Sam, “Just make sure to lay a blanket down, and crack the windows.” Sam and Jessica were blushing as they head back towards the car. “I do not want you staining the upholstery or Baby reeking of sex!” He laughed sticking his tongue out slightly.

Sam glared back at Dean as they headed through a wooded area behind the lake. When they were gone Dean started laughing poking more at the dull flames. You watched as embers flew up towards the pink and purple sky. You were glad you came tonight, it had been a lot of fun so far. You were all making memories that were going to last you a lifetime.

“Are you having fun?”

You looked back at Dean who was taking a drink of beer, “Huh, oh yeah.” Rolling your unopened beer can in your hand you looked back at him. “It’s just a little bittersweet you know. This is going to be one of the last nights were all like this together.”

“Sammy and Jess might be leaving,” he stared into the flames of the fire, “but that doesn’t mean that just you and me can’t do this.” When he looked at you, you almost had to catch your breath. Dean Winchester was already a sexy guy, but he looked ever hotter in the illumination of the flames. “You know we might fight like cats and dogs but. . .you’re not going to be alone. I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

You were taken back by his words, not really sure what to say. This was the same Dean Winchester who would tease you about your hair when you were a Freshman. The same asshole who made fun of you love of comics and books. This was the same jerk who made your first year of high school a living hell. And fast forward three years and he was being nice to you.

He huffed looking at you, “Why are you looking at me like that? I’m telling the truth ya know, I’m not just messing around with you.” You turned your nose up at his sudden defensive nature.

“I’m sorry Winchester, I’m just a little shocked that you’re being nice to me.”

“What the hell are you talking about!? I’m always nice to you, I’ve been nice to you since that first day Sammy brought you home from school.”

“Uh no!” You crossed your arms over your chest pressing your breast up a little. “If I remember correctly you were the one telling Cas to get a look at the junk in my trunk.”

You weren’t skinny by any means. You were chubby or as you liked to call it curvy and you had struggled with your weight all of your life. You could care less about what other people said about you. You knew you had your issues, and you were doing your best to work on them.

“Whoa hold on a second!”

You got off the log you were sitting on and started walking in the other direction. You heard the shuffling of gravel behind you as Dean ran after you. “Y/N sweetheart, hold on for a second!” he reached for your arm and you quickly pulled it away turning around to face him. “Look yes I was an asshole when you first met me.” You cocked up an eyebrow rolling you eyes as he spoke. “Okay I’m still an asshole!” He grabbed both sides of your arms holding you still to look into his eyes. “But I’m the asshole who has fallen madly in love with you.”

“What!?” Your jaw dropped at his words, you cheeks burning as he nodded his head. “What the hell did you just say? I’m pretty sure I misheard it or something like that.”

“I said I love you.”

“Jesus Dean, did someone put something in your drink?” You placed the back of your hand against his forehead feeling for a fever. “This is so not like you. You’re not acting like yourself at all.”

He pulled his head back sighing deeply, “No one put anything in my drink, and I’m not sick by any means.” His fingers gently squeezed your arms as he took a deep breath. “Look, I’ve liked you for a long time.” He kicked at rocks underneath his boots before his glanced down at you. His eyes were trying to read you, pick up on what you were feeling. And his guess was as good as your own. There were so many emotions running through your veins, you weren’t sure what to think, say, or feel. “I’ve liked you since you were a sophomore, and I fell in love with you last year.”

“Hold on a second,” you sighed pushing him back slightly, “if you liked me for this long then why are you always a jerk to me?”

“Look this might come as a shocker to you but I’m not good at showing my emotions.” You found yourself gawking at him, giving him a chance to explain himself. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time now I really have. But anytime I feel like it’s been the right time we end up arguing instead. And most of that is me putting my defenses up, not wanting anyone to get close me. But I realized you might not stay here in Lawrence forever, and with Sammy leaving in a few months I realized how short life is. So I decided I was going to tell you before I screwed up royally or I missed my chance.”

“Sam and Jess knew didn’t they?” Dean nodded his head, “That’s why they left right? To give you the chance to tell me how you felt.”

“Sam had known for awhile, hell he probably knew how I felt before I even realized it.” He looked back in the direction that the two of them had ran off to. “This was their idea, figured it would be easier for me to get you alone like this.”

You heart was racing as you took all of his words to heart. Now that you were thinking about it, it was pretty evident the two of you had feelings for each other. It wasn’t always fighting when you were with him, he’s always been there for you when you needed him. He had picked you up countless times, been there for you through the rough patches of life, and always had a smile on his face when you were talking. And you liked him a lot to regardless of the teasing and the fighting.

Dean was so good looking it should be illegal. His creamy skin, those olive eyes that took your breath away, and those plump lips you fantasized about kissing. But he wasn’t just good looking. Dean Winchester was a strong and caring man, who typically put others above himself. You always admired that about him, and that admiration soon turned to love, but you always pushed those feelings away seeing how the two of you were always fighting. Now that you knew the truth, you could see why the two of you were always fighting.

You were in love with each other.

Dean cleared his throat, waiting for you to say something, anything in response to his words. You wanted to tell him how you felt about him, but a little voice in your head was telling you something different. Why would someone like Dean want to be with a nerd like you?”

“Why me?”

“What?”

“Why are you in love with me Dean? I mean in case I’m not the typical girl you’d go for. I’m chunky, nerdy, and I have no sense of fashion. You could be with any girl in this whole world, and you want to be with me?”

“Are you kidding me?” He cupped both sides of your face in his hands. “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately Y/N/N? You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You’re soft Y/H/C hair, those breathtaking Y/E/C eyes, your body. I don’t see how you’re single, not only are you fucking hot, but you’re smart and passionate too.” His thumb brushed against your cheek, your heart fluttering as he touched you. “What’s not to love about you? I’d be crazy to not be in love with you.”

Your heart was throbbing at his words as tears began welling in your eyes. You licked your lips your own hand reaching up to touch his own. Dean eyes gazed over your face, and he slowly leaned in closer towards you. You followed his lead leaning in as well. He stopped looking at you one last time before closing his eyes and the gap between your lips. You inhaled sharply as you kissed him back, his lips gently moving against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

He pulled back for a second his eyes opening as a smile spread across his lips. You returned the smile, and he leaned back in kissing you deeply, his tongue licking your bottom lip. You opened your mouth for him, his tongue slowly sliding inside of your mouth. You moaned into the kiss, your tongues massaging and moving against another. It was intense and passionate, like lightning lighting up a dark stormy summer night. This kiss was way overdue and there was a lot of making up the two of you were going to have to do. But being with him like this, it felt like you had all the time in the world to make up for it.

Dean pulled away the two of you panting and trying to catch you breath. You gazed into each other's eyes before laughing softly. Dean’s hand slid around to the back of your neck, his fingers playing with your hair as he pressed his forehead against yours. “That was well worth the wait, but now I’m kicking myself for not doing it sooner.” Yours hands played with the collar of his leather jacket as he spoke. “Like I imagined how that would be for years, but nothing compares to the real thing.” His lips pressed against the tip of your nose before moving further down to your lips. You kissed back gripping onto the fabric of his jacket, pulling him closer towards you.

“Whooa!” Sam shouted from the distance causing you and Dean to turn around. Him and Jessica were both clapping as they sat down around the fire. “Took you two long enough!”

“Come on,” Dean grabbed your hand leading you back to Sam and Jess. “let’s go hear about how Sam has been telling me for years to tell you how I felt.”

This was not how you were expecting your night to go, but you’re glad you decided to come with them. You showed up at the lake single and irritated with Dean, and you’re leaving knowing the two of you loved each other. There was a bright future ahead for the two of you, and you were looking forward to every second of it.

_________

Standing in the Sam and Jessica’s apartment you were fighting back tears. Jessica was hugging you telling you that she would text you every day. Pulling away the two of you wiped your eyes before looking at your boyfriends hugging each other. Dean pulled away clearing his throat as he smacked Sam on the back.

“No chick flick moments.”

“Alright, whatever you say jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean wrapped his arm around your waist looking Sam in the eyes. “You be careful and be sure to call mom. And if you need anything Sammy don’t hesitate to call me okay?”

“I will Dean.”

With heavy hearts you and Dean said goodbye to Sam and Jessica before heading back to the hotel you were staying at. The drive back was quiet as Dean held your hand tight, his lips pursed together as his eyes were focused on the road. In the five months of dating him, you come to learn a lot more about him. Like right now he was going to assure you he was fine, but deep down you knew he was dreading this day for months. You were glad he didn’t have to go through this by himself. He had you with him, and hopefully that might ease the pain a little bit.

When you got back to the hotel Dean collapsed onto the bed sighing roughly into the mattress. You placed the bags of food on the mattress and crawled up on there with him rubbing his back soothingly. He turned his head looking up at you, as your fingers massaged his tense muscles. His frown slowly turned into a smile as you leaned down kissing his forehead.

‘Let’s eat real quick and then we’ll get some sleep before the long drive back okay?”

“Alright.” He pushed himself up and grabbed the bags of food handing you your own food. The two of you made small talk about the shop and your blog. It was like a typical weekend night back at his place.

As soon as you finished eating you both took you showers before crawling under the crisp hotel sheets. Dean wrapped his arms around you as you stared at the green alarm clocking it’s luminescent glow lighting up you pillow. As your eyes started closing, asleep slowly overcoming your senses Dean pressed a kiss against your neck. All thoughts of sleep vanished as your turned your head, finding his lips against yours in a second.

“Thank you, for coming with me.” he whispered against your lips, “You being there with me made that a little more bearable.”

“Well I love you, of course I’d go with you. It’s like you told me, you’re never going to be alone Dean I’m always going to be with you.” You pressed your lips against his, slow and tentative, and lazy not hurry in it at all. His fingers grazing your skin, but not completely going under just yet. Those lazy kisses that you loved so much, slowly became more heated as Dean shoved his tongue in your mouth. You turned wrapping your arms around his neck as he slid his hand up your shirt. His large hand cupped your breast squeezing and kneading it as your tongues were tangled together.

‘I love you Y/N.” He rolled on top of you, pushing your night shirt up exposing your bare breasts to him. “I love you so damn much.” Leaning down you moaned watching as his tongue darted out flicking your nipple. He looked up at you before his lips sealed around the sensitive bud, his tongue swirling around it as his teeth grazed it. Your back arched off the mattress, and his free hand cupped your other breast squeezing it.

The two of you had fooled around in the several months of dating, but you never went all the way. Part of it was because you both wanted to take your time, while the other fact was that Dean wanted you to be sure you wanted him to take your virginity. In this moment tonight there wasn’t a doubt in your mind that you wanted Dean to be your first.

“Dean.” you bucked your hips against his, feeling his erection through his sweat pants. “Do you,” you moaned loudly as he pinched your other nipple, “do you have a condom?”  

His head flew up hearing your words, he reached over turning on the lamp on the night stand. “What did you just say?” His green eyes roamed over your bare chest before looking directly into yours. He needed to hear it one more time, he wanted to make sure that this was what you wanted.

“Let’s do it, I know I love you I want you to be my first.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

His fingers trailed down lower, sliding into you pajama bottoms. “Well I have to make sure you’re ready for me.” His fingers traced small circles around your clit before moving down further rubbing your lips. “Then we can do it okay?” You nodded as he pushed a finger inside of you, you whined lifting your hips up to meet his touch. He pumped it lazily before adding another finger.

He took his time stretching you out, his finger stretched your walls. Somehow during all the intense pleasure he moved between your legs. His fingers buried deep inside of you as his wet tongue lapped at your clit. You were a wither mess, your chest heaving as the pleasure rushed through your veins. Your moans and the sound of Dean’s tongue licking you was echoing off the walls. You knew your neighbors were hating on you, but you didn’t give a shit. All you care about was Dean being inside of you, and the two of you finally making love.

He made you come twice before you were wheezing roughly, “Dean enough teasing, I’m ready for you.” He licked his lips clean or your arousal, his eyes were locked on yours. “Please I need you inside of me.” You whined gripping the sheets under your body. “I fucking need you.”

Dean got off the bed running for his wallet sitting on the dresser. He pulled out a gold foiled packet and ripped it open with his teeth as he pushed his sweats down. You watched as he slowly stroked his cock before rolling the condom over it, taking his time making sure it was done properly. When he came back to the bed his lips found your instantly as he positioned himself between your legs. You tasted the tang of yourself as his tongue rubbed against yours, his hips slowly grinding against yours as you kissed.

“Y/N,” he whispered as he reached down, leading his cock to your entrance. “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him gently as he slowly started pushing inside of you. To your surprise it didn’t hurt like you thought it would. Instead it was a slight pressure and discomfort as he pushed further inside of you.

‘Are you okay?” he asked softly his hips stilling to give you time to adjust to the new sensation, “Do you need me to go slower or I can keep going.”

You kissed him again a little more needy this time. “Keep going, I want to feel all of you inside of me Dean.” He kept moving moaning against your mouth until he was completely buried inside of you. “Oh my God.” you whispered against his mouth, “fuck you’re so big”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Okay?” you moaned laughing softly as you arched your back, “Oh Dean I’m in heaven right now, move.”

He started moving slowly bucking his hips as you moaned a bit louder tilting your head back. As soon as he started moving it was like all of his worries about hurting you faded away. He moved a bit faster grunting as he buried his face in your neck. Before you knew it the two of you were setting, and moaning louder than you had ever moaned before. Dean knew what he was doing, and he was making sure everything felt amazing for you. He wanted you to enjoy this as much as he was.

You moved in time with him, feeling every inch of his cock slid in and out of you. You pussy welcomed him by squeezing around his shaft, which only made him thrust into you harder. It might sound cliche but it felt like the two of you fit perfectly with each other. His cock wasn’t too big for you, it was just fucking perfect.

‘Y/N fuck you’re so fucking tight.’ He growled sinking his teeth into your neck as he rolled the two of you onto your sides. “Your pussy is so tight for me, throbbing and squeezing my cock.” He leaned up sweat running down his forehead as he draped your leg over his body allowing his cock to go even deeper inside of you. “God I love you, I love being inside of you.”

“I-I love,” he nipped at you bottom lip tugging at it gently, “fuck I love you being inside of me Dean.” He dug his fingers into your thigh, his thrusts becoming harder and faster with every move. You furrowed your brow while digging your nails into his shoulders as you kissed him. The coil in your abdomen got tighter and tighter as the head of his cock brushed against your g-spot. “Dean I’m getting close.” You panted as he reached down rubbing you clit causing you breath to hitch in your throat. “Oh shit, fuck Dean!”

He rubbed faster in time with his erratic thrusts, “That’s right baby, come for me come all over this thick hard cock.” As you started screamed his name he kissed your deeply, sending you over the edge. “Y/N, fuck baby.”

“D-Dean! Yes holy fuck!”

“Y/N!” he growled as he trusted deep inside of you, his movements suddenly stilling as he came right behind you.

You both panted as you came down from the orgasmic bliss. You kissed each other as Dean pushed some of your hair out of your eyes. The two of you smiled as he held you tighter against him. Funny how a little over five months ago you were fighting with each other like cats and dogs. Now here you were having dating and having sex, living your lives together. As Dean buried his face in your neck snoring softly you couldn’t help but wish to spend the rest of your life with this man.

______

Forever Tags: @percywinchester27 @the-cucumber-who-lived, @waywardjoy, @sammylynne321@jalove-wecallhimdean, @britney8793, @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms,@castiellerblueeyed,@nathaliabakes,@kristaparadowski,@relationshipyard,@curlycas,@slapinthefacetoyourlullaby,@jessiedangerous @selina-kyle89@jordangardner19@clarita25booklover-blog @impala-dreamer @queenofthe-bitches,@omgreganlove, @jojotink78, applesugar88, @isis278,@thisisthelilith,@10200512,@growningupgeek@fuckyeahfeysand@megafrontliner311@fangirl1802 @typicalweirdbookworm@nerdwholikesword @sociallyimparedme  @riversong-sam@theroute63 @tmccarney @fantasticimpaladoctor @its-my-perky-nipples, @smoothdogsgirl, @little-castiel13, @wonderlandmoonrose7, @deansbaekaz2y5 @starswirlblitz @secretlyfurrydragon @kms1000 @brooke-supernatural16, @queencharley @fabulouslyboredeveryday @therosecolouredpost  @createdbybadappreciation @notesfromalabprincess @just-meh-and-me-dogs @colorfuluniversewhispers @dancingalone21 @pizzarollpatrol @maddieburcham1 @benjerry707 @misguidedconqueress @deanfuckingwinchesterrr @faegal04 @greek-geek481 @gallifreyansass @livelovelike555 @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @we-are-band-sexuals @fandomsandstuffff @petrovadixon @kaylynnw428 @spngirl00 @fairytalesexistxx @mizzzpink @selene-stormborn @milkymilky-cocopuff @freakintasticfan @sandlee44 @likesiriusly

Dean/Jensen Girls: @torn-and-frayed @mrstheorossix3 @ioanashalala @summer-binging-spn @atc74 @betterlattethennever @anokhi07

Tagging: @supernatural-jackles @deanscherrypie @mrswhozeewhatsis @d-s-winchester

[tom--york]

What Happened Last Weekend...

Tom almost missed London whenever he came back. It was only natural. Homesickness. But it never lasted too long. Especially with JR around.

JR reminded him of all the different reasons why Tom had to get out in the first place.

Besides, he loved New York. He loved his life in America and what he had built for himself there. It was incredible to him that it had been nearly a decade since he’d moved. Then again, Leah was almost that old, so the reality was walking around him daily.

Well, running at the moment.

“Lee, please. If your Gran sees you fly past her figurines again, she’ll have my arse,” he pleaded, stroking his beard.

Leah stopped in her tracks to grin at her dad. “Oooo, you cursed.”

Tom’s eyes went wide. “Sh. No. Don’t tell your mum. That’s between you and me, love, eh?”

The girl giggled and took off up the stairs. He heard her feet stamping around the halls and he sighed.

Home. Was London home still? Once upon a time, maybe. But now... Now it was just a nice visit back to Mum, have a few drinks with old school pals, and then getting out before the dreariness set in on him.

That was the main reason why he left. It was such a fucking sad city. Gray and rain and angry. Sure, the tourists loved it, but when you grew up in it... Woof.

“Thomassss!”

The big man winced and looked around for the nearest hiding place.

“Tom! I need you!”

“Yes, Mum?”

A tiny, wide, bushy haired woman trotted out the kitchen, her blue eyes set with determination. Tom was always jealous that JR had inherited her eyes instead of him. Instead, Tom was the spitting image of their good-for-nothing dad.

Maureen stood at a proud five feet and two inches, reaching just beneath Tom’s chest. Yet and still, when she stalked up to him, he cowered a little. His mom was something fierce. “There you are. I just got off my mobile with Lily Pratchett. Apparently Yancey’s back from Berlin. You need to keep your brother here. He’ll surely go looking for trouble with that mongrel around.”

“Yes, Mu--Wait, no, why can’t you play warden? I was taking Lee to The Eye today.”

“Oh, I can do that. I’d love to show her around.” Maureen lit up.

“But--”

Her face darkened again. “You’re telling me I can’t spend quality time with my granddaughter after you’ve kept her from home for the last five years?”

Suddenly, there were feet tramping down the stairs and Leah’s curls bouncing. “I want to go with Gran!”

Tom sputtered. “I don’t even know where he is.”

“Well, you best find out, shouldn’t you? Lee, my dear, get your trainers on. We’ll take a taxi.” Maureen lifted her sweater from its dedicated spot on the hook by the front door.

As she shrugged it on, JR burst into the house, nearly knocking the door off its hinges.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Jayson Reginald York, be careful with my home!”

JR flashed her a charming grin. “What, all four of us? Only Mum would give the sweet baby Jesus orders.”

Maureen pursed her lips at him and swatted his arms. “Oh tush. I’m taking Lee out to see the sights. Can you and your brother fix the leak in the tub for me?”

“Oh, I’m busy, but I’m sure Tom can.” JR dropped on to the couch and threw his feet on top of the coffee table.

“Jayson get your feet off of my table this instant!”

His feet dropped to the floor and he looked sheepishly into his lap.

“Now listen here, the both of you. I want my house in one piece when I get back. In fact, I want it in even better condition than how I’m leaving it. There are several projects that need attending to. Pick one.”

Tom and JR gave each other a weary look.

“Am I understood?!”

Both of the York boys gave a start and replied in unison, “Yes, Mum.”

In less than a second, Maureen and Leah were out the door with Leah’s giggles echoing back to them. The two sat in silence, gauging one another’s moods. Tom decided to just get the trouble out the way. “So where were you?”

“Swimming the Seine.”

“Jay, be serious.”

JR gave a hard, forced laugh. “That’s rich, coming from you, mate.”

“Love, I just don’t want you to get into--”

“Oh shut it, Tom. I kind of get what Naomi meant about you being overly needy.”

Tom’s blood ran cold and his gaze locked onto his brother. “She’s never said that.”

“Secrets, secrets.”

“Jay, she’s never said that.”

JR rolled his head to sneer at Tom.

Tom stared at him, calculating. “Yancey’s back and he’s probably looking to start fucking Rita again.”

Three... Two... One.

JR jumped from his seat and bolted for the door, but Tom was ready for him. He tackled his brother into the wall just before JR could get out, rattling every one of the thirty hanging frames. Tom quickly spun him into a headlock, knowing that he only had seconds before JR became incontrollable. “Thought that’d get ya.”

“Let me go!” JR struggled hard against him. “I’ll kill him.”

“You most certainly will not.”

“I’m going to rip his dick off with my bare hands and then feed it to his fucking, whore mother.”

“Jay!”

“He thinks he can come back to my territory--”

“But it’s not anymore, is it?” Tom knocked JR’s knee out and got him to the ground. “London isn’t yours anymore, you made bloody sure of that. And now I’m stuck babysitting you for the rest of your life.”

JR threw a hard punch into Tom’s side, but Tom took it. Honestly, Tom knew that if he loosened his grip even a little, JR would break free and wreck havoc in the house, on Tom, and then take it to the streets.

JR got his temper from their mother, but all the rage from their father. He could dismantle a building in minutes if you got him riled up enough. When it first manifested in Grade 7, it terrified Tom. A classmate had stolen JR’s stash of chocolate, so JR taught him a lesson by beating his face so bad that the poor boy needed to get his jaw wired and JR fractured three knuckles.

The York family had been notoriously labeled as unstable ever since. Tom had never resented his brother for the reputation, but he didn’t like being labelled as violent either. And it only got worse as they got older. JR would get into scraps and Tom would be called to come reign the beast in. More than once, he’d wound up injured while trying to save someone else.

A few years back, JR had picked too big of a fight with a local gang. He’d jumped Yancey after he found out that the gang leader was sleeping with his girlfriend. JR always ranted that he should have killed him, and a part of Tom agreed. If Yancey had died, he wouldn’t have put a hit on JR.

That was when Tom and Maureen decided to fly him out to New York to live with Tom. It was getting too out of hand and Maureen couldn’t take the stress of being afraid every time JR walked out the door.

Eventually, JR settled underneath Tom’s body. Tom knew better though. He’d have to sit on top of him for another five minutes before his younger brother had actually cooled off.

As JR relaxed, he turned his head to avoid speaking into the carpet. “I never said I needed you to take care of me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m your brother, love. I’m not going to let you get yourself killed,” Tom said.

“I can’t be killed, Tom.”

“If you’re seen around town, Yancey will try to test your theory.” He felt JR stiffen beneath him at the name. “Jay, you’ve got to get yourself under control. We’re getting too old for this shit. Mum can’t take it.”

“Mum handled Da alright.”

“Yeah, but Lee’s little heart would break if something happened to you.”

JR had nothing to say to that. Leah had become his soft spot. Tom had never imagined using his daughter to blackmail his brother, but... desperate times. After another beat, he rolled off and sat himself in front of the door, using his broad shoulders to block it.

JR sat up and glared at him. “So I’m on lock down until we fly back then, is that it?”

“Your other two options are to be gutted in the street or arrested after you’ve done something stupid. And trust me, neither Mum or me will bail you out.”

JR sniffed and nodded. He got to his feet and stretched.

“What’re you doing?” Tom narrowed his eyes.

“You can sit on the floor all day if you want. I’m going to fix Mum’s tub for her.” JR turned to make his way upstairs, but paused. With a smirk, he punched the wall, causing one of the frames to shake loose and drop to the ground.

As the glass shattered, he took off up to the bathroom, leaving Tom dismayed at the idea of their mother finding the crime.

[fadingfartconnoisseur]

How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World

I first met Staci when she came to one of my meet-ups in NYC. She wanted to thank me for helping her travel the world. See, for her, it’s not as simple as just getting on a plane and going somewhere. Staci was born with a rare genetic condition that has left her deaf, with fused fingers, jaws, and a host of other medical issues. Determined to not sit on the sidelines, Staci has worked hard to overcome the obstacles before her so that she can make her travel dreams a reality. So, without further ado, here’s Staci!

Nomadic Matt: Hi Staci! Tell us about yourself! Staci: My name is Staci and I’m 28 years old. I happen to have Nager syndrome, a super rare genetic condition wherein I was born with fused jaws, fused elbows, four fingers, and deafness, to name some fun facts about it. I’ve had many surgeries to correct a lot of issues and increase my quality of life.

I was born in Seattle and moved to an incredibly rural town in New York when I was ten. I’ve always had an interest in languages and other cultures. Even though I’m deaf, I easily excelled in Spanish past my third-grade hearing classmates because I found it fun and challenging. My other loves are history and art and yes, they got combined into a bachelor’s in art history and museum professions.

I like anything that challenges me, and I hate being stagnant.

How did you get into travel? When I was growing up, my family made various trips around the US, but it wasn’t until my senior year at a small high school for the deaf that I went to Italy and Greece with the senior and junior classes. There, I finally experienced what it’s like to travel, even though I felt stifled by the chaperones and the itinerary. But it gave me a taste, and I wanted more. I became addicted to the idea of freedom.

In 2010, I was supposed to go to Montreal with a friend for spring break, but she had to drop out. I went ahead anyway and experienced the freedom of solo travel: I could do whatever I wanted without any set plans. I loved it.

I took off for Germany, in March 2011, which kick-started my months-long trip through Europe. I didn’t tell my family for a few weeks, because I didn’t want to be discouraged and made to stay home. I explored Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, and Serbia (I easily fell in love with Belgrade and stayed there for two months) until I had to return home in August due to a broken arm.

In 2012, I went to Nicaragua for spring break. It was my first taste of Latin America, and I knew I wanted to learn more Spanish. Then in 2013 and 2014, I went to Mexico, which quickly became my favorite country—one that I want to move to in the future. I felt connected there and I could be as independent as I wished. It was also easy to get more of my special food at a large grocery store, even if it was expensive compared to local food. In 2015, I headed to Ecuador on spring break, and in 2016, I found a cheap flight to Iceland—seeing the northern lights was easily the highlight of my week there.

2017 so far has featured a birthday trip to the Philippines, my first Asian country. Recently I spent a month in Mexico visiting my friends and hanging out like a local.

What’s been the biggest lesson so far? Budgeting. I had zero ideas about budgeting on my first huge trip and overspent so much. I have gotten better with it, but I still struggle. For example, my mom had to help me with a $130 domestic flight in Iceland because I was so horrible at budgeting.

Another struggle is overpacking. Even if I manage to pack a just week’s worth of clothes, it’s too much, because I have to also bring many bottles of my special food.

How did you fix these mistakes? How did you get better at them? Well, as for budgeting, I learned that I need more money than I thought, so I saved more. Now I also tend to focus on places that are cheap for the most part, and if my original plans fall through, I have backup plans so I don’t have to spend unexpectedly or borrow money. I have gotten better with money, but I do still slip up.

When it comes to packing, I try my best to pack only 3-4 bottoms and several dresses, but I still have a tendency to pack too many shirts. Being short in height, a lot of my clothes are on the small side, which it makes it easy to overpack my backpack. I do try to pack two pairs of shoes max, besides flip-flops, but my favorite waterproof Dr. Martens shoes definitely take up a lot of room when I’m not wearing them. I stuff socks into my shoes, and I always roll my clothes.

Since I do have a habit of going shopping while traveling, I try to not pack too much, only to end up with an even heavier backpack when I return. When I was in Europe the first time, I shipped things home because my backpack was getting heavy with stuff I got for my family and with cold-weather clothes I no longer needed in warmer weather. Now, I basically layer as much as I can if heading to a cooler place.

What resources are out there for deaf travelers? Seek the World by Calvin Young is a good resource for deaf travelers since he is deaf himself. He has a very active Facebook page, and he shows the different finger-spellings and signs of various countries. He also links to other helpful resources that encourage more deaf people to travel.

Another option is No Barriers by Joel Barish. He posts vlogs in which he meets deaf locals around the world and asks them about their jobs and lives. He’s also the founder of DeafNation, which is focused on deaf “language, culture, and pride.”

How do you communicate if sign language is different in every other language? I always have my iPhone with me, but I also carry my notepad in my purse when using a phone is not ideal (safety or it not being charged). There’s also international sign language, but I don’t know it, although I do know a little bit of Mexican Sign Language. I also used to be able to speak, but a medical complication happened so at this moment, speaking is not possible. I am the worst at lip-reading, and even though I wear hearing aids, I just prefer to type things out.

You mentioned you have a fused jaw so it’s hard to eat. Do you only travel for short periods?How do you get around your medical needs when you travel? Do you just carry everything with you? Nager syndrome makes eating difficult. I recently had surgery to open my jaws, and it was the first successful surgery to do that; however I still can’t eat solid food because I need therapy to get those unused muscles to work and other fun medical stuff.

All the challenges I faced were related to my food. Running out is easy to do, and I can’t just bring five boxes or 16 bottles since I travel solo and it would exceed the check-in weight limit for flights and make packing impossible for me. Everywhere in Europe, and even in some other countries, I cannot find my special food and I’m left without many options for nutrition due to my fused jaws. Soups cannot fill me up, and smoothies, milkshakes, etc. are not a solution either, because it’s too easy to lose weight, which is a very bad thing for me. It’s also extremely easy for me to choke on a small pieces of food, so I can’t just eat peas, rice, or corn, and I don’t like mashed potatoes.

My food is for nutrition purposes, and I drink about 7+ bottles a day to fill me up. Traveling for several months at a time depends on if I’m able to get my food or not. I cannot find Ensure Plus anywhere in Europe, whether at pharmacies or large grocery stores, so forget about my staying there long-term. At least in Mexico, I could find it easily and therefore can stay there for several months if I wish, but it’s expensive and the cost eats into my budget.

As for taking my food with me when I fly, I always hold up the TSA line because they need to test my food—and on occasion open a bottle (then I drink that bottle at my gate). I always carry a doctor’s note to show to the agents, and I try to be as pleasant as I can to make everything go smoother and quicker. When I had a layover in Taipei on the way to the Philippines, security and customs were more intense with my food, and I was nervous that they would not allow me to bring it with me even though I showed my doctor’s note, but luckily I had no issues.

I do carry everything with me when I travel. I love that international flights allow free checked bags so I take advantage of that, but even so, I often have no room for food in my checked backpack. So my carry-on bags are incredibly heavy with the many bottles I bring. If I do manage to pack food in my checked backpack, even when they’re stuffed in a garbage bag to prevent food from spilling all over my things, I always find the garbage bag ripped apart because of TSA inspections to make sure everything is OK.

Is there a big community of travelers with your condition that you can get support and information from? Well, since my condition is incredibly rare and requires so many surgeries to improve our lives, it’s not a large group, probably hundreds of people. However, every two years, the Foundation for Nager and Miller Syndrome hosts a conference somewhere in America. I do not go to these much, because usually I’m one of very few who use ASL (or the only one), and often it’s hard to relate to others whose experiences are very different from mine. There’s also a private, international Facebook group for people with Nager syndrome and their family members, but since it’s a private group, I’m not going to share it because we don’t want bullying.

What have been some of your favorite experiences? One of my favorite experiences was seeing the northern lights in Iceland. That week, it rained pretty much every day and snowed one day. But on my last day there, it was sunny for once and that night was clear, so I was able to see them. My other favorite experience was the Philippines, because it was an amazing country, even if I couldn’t stand the heat. I got to see tarsiers [a kind of primate] and the Chocolate Hills, and swam in the comfortable waters of Palawan.

But my number one favorite thing to do is to travel to many amazing places and learn about them and their culture. I’m a huge history and art nerd, and I get so excited when I visit historical sites and museums such as El Tajín, Teotihuacán, Museo Nacional de Antropología, and Museo El Tamayo in Mexico, or El Museo de Arte Precolombino Casa del Alabado, a museum dedicated to pre-Columbian history in Quito, Ecuador.

What’s your number one piece of advice for new travelers? Make the effort to meet locals on your travels. Couchsurfing and Airbnb are my favorite ways to meet locals when I travel. It’s awesome to learn about the culture of a place you visit. But again, I’m a huge art and history nerd and so am incredibly interested in learning about cultures and languages. Even though I’m deaf, I’ve never had any problems communicating, and for some odd reason, even though I’m shy as hell, I’m more outgoing and willing to chat it up with people outside of America.

Become the Next Success Story

One of my favorite parts about this job is hearing people’s travel stories. They inspire me, but more importantly, they also inspire you. I travel a certain way but there are many ways to fund your trips and travel the world. I hope these stories show you that there is more than one way to travel and that it is within your grasp to reach your travel goals. Here are more examples of people who overcame obstacles and made their travel dreams a reality:

Traveling the World Blind: An Interview with Dan

How Jim Didn’t Let a New Disability Change His Travels

Racism on the Road: An Interview with Alex

How this 70-Year-Old Couple Bucked Tradition to Travel the World

The post How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

via Travel Blogs http://ift.tt/2EplTF6

[touristguidebuzz]

How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World

I first met Staci when she came to one of my meet-ups in NYC. She wanted to thank me for helping her travel the world. See, for her, it’s not as simple as just getting on a plane and going somewhere. Staci was born with a rare genetic condition that has left her deaf, with fused fingers, jaws, and a host of other medical issues. Determined to not sit on the sidelines, Staci has worked hard to overcome the obstacles before her so that she can make her travel dreams a reality. So, without further ado, here’s Staci!

Nomadic Matt: Hi Staci! Tell us about yourself! Staci: My name is Staci and I’m 28 years old. I happen to have Nager syndrome, a super rare genetic condition wherein I was born with fused jaws, fused elbows, four fingers, and deafness, to name some fun facts about it. I’ve had many surgeries to correct a lot of issues and increase my quality of life.

I was born in Seattle and moved to an incredibly rural town in New York when I was ten. I’ve always had an interest in languages and other cultures. Even though I’m deaf, I easily excelled in Spanish past my third-grade hearing classmates because I found it fun and challenging. My other loves are history and art and yes, they got combined into a bachelor’s in art history and museum professions.

I like anything that challenges me, and I hate being stagnant.

How did you get into travel? When I was growing up, my family made various trips around the US, but it wasn’t until my senior year at a small high school for the deaf that I went to Italy and Greece with the senior and junior classes. There, I finally experienced what it’s like to travel, even though I felt stifled by the chaperones and the itinerary. But it gave me a taste, and I wanted more. I became addicted to the idea of freedom.

In 2010, I was supposed to go to Montreal with a friend for spring break, but she had to drop out. I went ahead anyway and experienced the freedom of solo travel: I could do whatever I wanted without any set plans. I loved it.

I took off for Germany, in March 2011, which kick-started my months-long trip through Europe. I didn’t tell my family for a few weeks, because I didn’t want to be discouraged and made to stay home. I explored Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, and Serbia (I easily fell in love with Belgrade and stayed there for two months) until I had to return home in August due to a broken arm.

In 2012, I went to Nicaragua for spring break. It was my first taste of Latin America, and I knew I wanted to learn more Spanish. Then in 2013 and 2014, I went to Mexico, which quickly became my favorite country—one that I want to move to in the future. I felt connected there and I could be as independent as I wished. It was also easy to get more of my special food at a large grocery store, even if it was expensive compared to local food. In 2015, I headed to Ecuador on spring break, and in 2016, I found a cheap flight to Iceland—seeing the northern lights was easily the highlight of my week there.

2017 so far has featured a birthday trip to the Philippines, my first Asian country. Recently I spent a month in Mexico visiting my friends and hanging out like a local.

What’s been the biggest lesson so far? Budgeting. I had zero ideas about budgeting on my first huge trip and overspent so much. I have gotten better with it, but I still struggle. For example, my mom had to help me with a $130 domestic flight in Iceland because I was so horrible at budgeting.

Another struggle is overpacking. Even if I manage to pack a just week’s worth of clothes, it’s too much, because I have to also bring many bottles of my special food.

How did you fix these mistakes? How did you get better at them? Well, as for budgeting, I learned that I need more money than I thought, so I saved more. Now I also tend to focus on places that are cheap for the most part, and if my original plans fall through, I have backup plans so I don’t have to spend unexpectedly or borrow money. I have gotten better with money, but I do still slip up.

When it comes to packing, I try my best to pack only 3-4 bottoms and several dresses, but I still have a tendency to pack too many shirts. Being short in height, a lot of my clothes are on the small side, which it makes it easy to overpack my backpack. I do try to pack two pairs of shoes max, besides flip-flops, but my favorite waterproof Dr. Martens shoes definitely take up a lot of room when I’m not wearing them. I stuff socks into my shoes, and I always roll my clothes.

Since I do have a habit of going shopping while traveling, I try to not pack too much, only to end up with an even heavier backpack when I return. When I was in Europe the first time, I shipped things home because my backpack was getting heavy with stuff I got for my family and with cold-weather clothes I no longer needed in warmer weather. Now, I basically layer as much as I can if heading to a cooler place.

What resources are out there for deaf travelers? Seek the World by Calvin Young is a good resource for deaf travelers since he is deaf himself. He has a very active Facebook page, and he shows the different finger-spellings and signs of various countries. He also links to other helpful resources that encourage more deaf people to travel.

Another option is No Barriers by Joel Barish. He posts vlogs in which he meets deaf locals around the world and asks them about their jobs and lives. He’s also the founder of DeafNation, which is focused on deaf “language, culture, and pride.”

How do you communicate if sign language is different in every other language? I always have my iPhone with me, but I also carry my notepad in my purse when using a phone is not ideal (safety or it not being charged). There’s also international sign language, but I don’t know it, although I do know a little bit of Mexican Sign Language. I also used to be able to speak, but a medical complication happened so at this moment, speaking is not possible. I am the worst at lip-reading, and even though I wear hearing aids, I just prefer to type things out.

You mentioned you have a fused jaw so it’s hard to eat. Do you only travel for short periods?How do you get around your medical needs when you travel? Do you just carry everything with you? Nager syndrome makes eating difficult. I recently had surgery to open my jaws, and it was the first successful surgery to do that; however I still can’t eat solid food because I need therapy to get those unused muscles to work and other fun medical stuff.

All the challenges I faced were related to my food. Running out is easy to do, and I can’t just bring five boxes or 16 bottles since I travel solo and it would exceed the check-in weight limit for flights and make packing impossible for me. Everywhere in Europe, and even in some other countries, I cannot find my special food and I’m left without many options for nutrition due to my fused jaws. Soups cannot fill me up, and smoothies, milkshakes, etc. are not a solution either, because it’s too easy to lose weight, which is a very bad thing for me. It’s also extremely easy for me to choke on a small pieces of food, so I can’t just eat peas, rice, or corn, and I don’t like mashed potatoes.

My food is for nutrition purposes, and I drink about 7+ bottles a day to fill me up. Traveling for several months at a time depends on if I’m able to get my food or not. I cannot find Ensure Plus anywhere in Europe, whether at pharmacies or large grocery stores, so forget about my staying there long-term. At least in Mexico, I could find it easily and therefore can stay there for several months if I wish, but it’s expensive and the cost eats into my budget.

As for taking my food with me when I fly, I always hold up the TSA line because they need to test my food—and on occasion open a bottle (then I drink that bottle at my gate). I always carry a doctor’s note to show to the agents, and I try to be as pleasant as I can to make everything go smoother and quicker. When I had a layover in Taipei on the way to the Philippines, security and customs were more intense with my food, and I was nervous that they would not allow me to bring it with me even though I showed my doctor’s note, but luckily I had no issues.

I do carry everything with me when I travel. I love that international flights allow free checked bags so I take advantage of that, but even so, I often have no room for food in my checked backpack. So my carry-on bags are incredibly heavy with the many bottles I bring. If I do manage to pack food in my checked backpack, even when they’re stuffed in a garbage bag to prevent food from spilling all over my things, I always find the garbage bag ripped apart because of TSA inspections to make sure everything is OK.

Is there a big community of travelers with your condition that you can get support and information from? Well, since my condition is incredibly rare and requires so many surgeries to improve our lives, it’s not a large group, probably hundreds of people. However, every two years, the Foundation for Nager and Miller Syndrome hosts a conference somewhere in America. I do not go to these much, because usually I’m one of very few who use ASL (or the only one), and often it’s hard to relate to others whose experiences are very different from mine. There’s also a private, international Facebook group for people with Nager syndrome and their family members, but since it’s a private group, I’m not going to share it because we don’t want bullying.

What have been some of your favorite experiences? One of my favorite experiences was seeing the northern lights in Iceland. That week, it rained pretty much every day and snowed one day. But on my last day there, it was sunny for once and that night was clear, so I was able to see them. My other favorite experience was the Philippines, because it was an amazing country, even if I couldn’t stand the heat. I got to see tarsiers [a kind of primate] and the Chocolate Hills, and swam in the comfortable waters of Palawan.

But my number one favorite thing to do is to travel to many amazing places and learn about them and their culture. I’m a huge history and art nerd, and I get so excited when I visit historical sites and museums such as El Tajín, Teotihuacán, Museo Nacional de Antropología, and Museo El Tamayo in Mexico, or El Museo de Arte Precolombino Casa del Alabado, a museum dedicated to pre-Columbian history in Quito, Ecuador.

What’s your number one piece of advice for new travelers? Make the effort to meet locals on your travels. Couchsurfing and Airbnb are my favorite ways to meet locals when I travel. It’s awesome to learn about the culture of a place you visit. But again, I’m a huge art and history nerd and so am incredibly interested in learning about cultures and languages. Even though I’m deaf, I’ve never had any problems communicating, and for some odd reason, even though I’m shy as hell, I’m more outgoing and willing to chat it up with people outside of America.

Become the Next Success Story

One of my favorite parts about this job is hearing people’s travel stories. They inspire me, but more importantly, they also inspire you. I travel a certain way but there are many ways to fund your trips and travel the world. I hope these stories show you that there is more than one way to travel and that it is within your grasp to reach your travel goals. Here are more examples of people who overcame obstacles and made their travel dreams a reality:

Traveling the World Blind: An Interview with Dan

How Jim Didn’t Let a New Disability Change His Travels

Racism on the Road: An Interview with Alex

How this 70-Year-Old Couple Bucked Tradition to Travel the World

The post How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

[theladyjstyle]

I first met Staci when she came to one of my meet-ups in NYC. She wanted to thank me for helping her travel the world. See, for her, it’s not as simple as just getting on a plane and going somewhere. Staci was born with a rare genetic condition that has left her deaf, with fused fingers, jaws, and a host of other medical issues. Determined to not sit on the sidelines, Staci has worked hard to overcome the obstacles before her so that she can make her travel dreams a reality. So, without further ado, here’s Staci!

Nomadic Matt: Hi Staci! Tell us about yourself! Staci: My name is Staci and I’m 28 years old. I happen to have Nager syndrome, a super rare genetic condition wherein I was born with fused jaws, fused elbows, four fingers, and deafness, to name some fun facts about it. I’ve had many surgeries to correct a lot of issues and increase my quality of life.

I was born in Seattle and moved to an incredibly rural town in New York when I was ten. I’ve always had an interest in languages and other cultures. Even though I’m deaf, I easily excelled in Spanish past my third-grade hearing classmates because I found it fun and challenging. My other loves are history and art and yes, they got combined into a bachelor’s in art history and museum professions.

I like anything that challenges me, and I hate being stagnant.

How did you get into travel? When I was growing up, my family made various trips around the US, but it wasn’t until my senior year at a small high school for the deaf that I went to Italy and Greece with the senior and junior classes. There, I finally experienced what it’s like to travel, even though I felt stifled by the chaperones and the itinerary. But it gave me a taste, and I wanted more. I became addicted to the idea of freedom.

In 2010, I was supposed to go to Montreal with a friend for spring break, but she had to drop out. I went ahead anyway and experienced the freedom of solo travel: I could do whatever I wanted without any set plans. I loved it.

I took off for Germany, in March 2011, which kick-started my months-long trip through Europe. I didn’t tell my family for a few weeks, because I didn’t want to be discouraged and made to stay home. I explored Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, and Serbia (I easily fell in love with Belgrade and stayed there for two months) until I had to return home in August due to a broken arm.

In 2012, I went to Nicaragua for spring break. It was my first taste of Latin America, and I knew I wanted to learn more Spanish. Then in 2013 and 2014, I went to Mexico, which quickly became my favorite country—one that I want to move to in the future. I felt connected there and I could be as independent as I wished. It was also easy to get more of my special food at a large grocery store, even if it was expensive compared to local food. In 2015, I headed to Ecuador on spring break, and in 2016, I found a cheap flight to Iceland—seeing the northern lights was easily the highlight of my week there.

2017 so far has featured a birthday trip to the Philippines, my first Asian country. Recently I spent a month in Mexico visiting my friends and hanging out like a local.

What’s been the biggest lesson so far? Budgeting. I had zero ideas about budgeting on my first huge trip and overspent so much. I have gotten better with it, but I still struggle. For example, my mom had to help me with a $130 domestic flight in Iceland because I was so horrible at budgeting.

Another struggle is overpacking. Even if I manage to pack a just week’s worth of clothes, it’s too much, because I have to also bring many bottles of my special food.

How did you fix these mistakes? How did you get better at them? Well, as for budgeting, I learned that I need more money than I thought, so I saved more. Now I also tend to focus on places that are cheap for the most part, and if my original plans fall through, I have backup plans so I don’t have to spend unexpectedly or borrow money. I have gotten better with money, but I do still slip up.

When it comes to packing, I try my best to pack only 3-4 bottoms and several dresses, but I still have a tendency to pack too many shirts. Being short in height, a lot of my clothes are on the small side, which it makes it easy to overpack my backpack. I do try to pack two pairs of shoes max, besides flip-flops, but my favorite waterproof Dr. Martens shoes definitely take up a lot of room when I’m not wearing them. I stuff socks into my shoes, and I always roll my clothes.

Since I do have a habit of going shopping while traveling, I try to not pack too much, only to end up with an even heavier backpack when I return. When I was in Europe the first time, I shipped things home because my backpack was getting heavy with stuff I got for my family and with cold-weather clothes I no longer needed in warmer weather. Now, I basically layer as much as I can if heading to a cooler place.

What resources are out there for deaf travelers? Seek the World by Calvin Young is a good resource for deaf travelers since he is deaf himself. He has a very active Facebook page, and he shows the different finger-spellings and signs of various countries. He also links to other helpful resources that encourage more deaf people to travel.

Another option is No Barriers by Joel Barish. He posts vlogs in which he meets deaf locals around the world and asks them about their jobs and lives. He’s also the founder of DeafNation, which is focused on deaf “language, culture, and pride.”

How do you communicate if sign language is different in every other language? I always have my iPhone with me, but I also carry my notepad in my purse when using a phone is not ideal (safety or it not being charged). There’s also international sign language, but I don’t know it, although I do know a little bit of Mexican Sign Language. I also used to be able to speak, but a medical complication happened so at this moment, speaking is not possible. I am the worst at lip-reading, and even though I wear hearing aids, I just prefer to type things out.

You mentioned you have a fused jaw so it’s hard to eat. Do you only travel for short periods?How do you get around your medical needs when you travel? Do you just carry everything with you? Nager syndrome makes eating difficult. I recently had surgery to open my jaws, and it was the first successful surgery to do that; however I still can’t eat solid food because I need therapy to get those unused muscles to work and other fun medical stuff.

All the challenges I faced were related to my food. Running out is easy to do, and I can’t just bring five boxes or 16 bottles since I travel solo and it would exceed the check-in weight limit for flights and make packing impossible for me. Everywhere in Europe, and even in some other countries, I cannot find my special food and I’m left without many options for nutrition due to my fused jaws. Soups cannot fill me up, and smoothies, milkshakes, etc. are not a solution either, because it’s too easy to lose weight, which is a very bad thing for me. It’s also extremely easy for me to choke on a small pieces of food, so I can’t just eat peas, rice, or corn, and I don’t like mashed potatoes.

My food is for nutrition purposes, and I drink about 7+ bottles a day to fill me up. Traveling for several months at a time depends on if I’m able to get my food or not. I cannot find Ensure Plus anywhere in Europe, whether at pharmacies or large grocery stores, so forget about my staying there long-term. At least in Mexico, I could find it easily and therefore can stay there for several months if I wish, but it’s expensive and the cost eats into my budget.

As for taking my food with me when I fly, I always hold up the TSA line because they need to test my food—and on occasion open a bottle (then I drink that bottle at my gate). I always carry a doctor’s note to show to the agents, and I try to be as pleasant as I can to make everything go smoother and quicker. When I had a layover in Taipei on the way to the Philippines, security and customs were more intense with my food, and I was nervous that they would not allow me to bring it with me even though I showed my doctor’s note, but luckily I had no issues.

I do carry everything with me when I travel. I love that international flights allow free checked bags so I take advantage of that, but even so, I often have no room for food in my checked backpack. So my carry-on bags are incredibly heavy with the many bottles I bring. If I do manage to pack food in my checked backpack, even when they’re stuffed in a garbage bag to prevent food from spilling all over my things, I always find the garbage bag ripped apart because of TSA inspections to make sure everything is OK.

Is there a big community of travelers with your condition that you can get support and information from? Well, since my condition is incredibly rare and requires so many surgeries to improve our lives, it’s not a large group, probably hundreds of people. However, every two years, the Foundation for Nager and Miller Syndrome hosts a conference somewhere in America. I do not go to these much, because usually I’m one of very few who use ASL (or the only one), and often it’s hard to relate to others whose experiences are very different from mine. There’s also a private, international Facebook group for people with Nager syndrome and their family members, but since it’s a private group, I’m not going to share it because we don’t want bullying.

What have been some of your favorite experiences? One of my favorite experiences was seeing the northern lights in Iceland. That week, it rained pretty much every day and snowed one day. But on my last day there, it was sunny for once and that night was clear, so I was able to see them. My other favorite experience was the Philippines, because it was an amazing country, even if I couldn’t stand the heat. I got to see tarsiers [a kind of primate] and the Chocolate Hills, and swam in the comfortable waters of Palawan.

But my number one favorite thing to do is to travel to many amazing places and learn about them and their culture. I’m a huge history and art nerd, and I get so excited when I visit historical sites and museums such as El Tajín, Teotihuacán, Museo Nacional de Antropología, and Museo El Tamayo in Mexico, or El Museo de Arte Precolombino Casa del Alabado, a museum dedicated to pre-Columbian history in Quito, Ecuador.

What’s your number one piece of advice for new travelers? Make the effort to meet locals on your travels. Couchsurfing and Airbnb are my favorite ways to meet locals when I travel. It’s awesome to learn about the culture of a place you visit. But again, I’m a huge art and history nerd and so am incredibly interested in learning about cultures and languages. Even though I’m deaf, I’ve never had any problems communicating, and for some odd reason, even though I’m shy as hell, I’m more outgoing and willing to chat it up with people outside of America.

Become the Next Success Story

One of my favorite parts about this job is hearing people’s travel stories. They inspire me, but more importantly, they also inspire you. I travel a certain way but there are many ways to fund your trips and travel the world. I hope these stories show you that there is more than one way to travel and that it is within your grasp to reach your travel goals. Here are more examples of people who overcame obstacles and made their travel dreams a reality:

Traveling the World Blind: An Interview with Dan

How Jim Didn’t Let a New Disability Change His Travels

Racism on the Road: An Interview with Alex

How this 70-Year-Old Couple Bucked Tradition to Travel the World

The post How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

How Staci Didn’t Let a Rare Medical Condition Prevent Her From Seeing The World http://ift.tt/2EplTF6

[literatureblogger-blog]

The Authorial and Historical Context behind To Kill a Mockingbird.

The 1930s to the 1960s saw a range of significant historical events that greatly influenced the literature of the time. One of these historical events would be that of The Great Depression, one of the most catastrophic economic downturns that the world has ever seen. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee was one of these texts that surfaced during this time. The novel was set in the 1930’s where America, and specifically the town of Maycomb were faced with a range of social, political and economic issues. A fictional town that displayed the true colours of peace and justice had ultimately switched into a crippled town which dispersed such arrogance into the Alabamian lives. The friction caused between the coloured and the white folks had lead the Jim Crow Laws to be intact. The Jim Crow Laws existed mainly in the South and was known for restricting the freedom of African Americans by the owner himself; Jim Crow. It was proclaimed by the owner of this law that this was the way of life, which began in the late 19th century till half way of the 20th century.  

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, was a novel set in this problematic time. Beginning on October 24th 1929, The Great Depression resulted in a traumatic crisis for many American families. The psychological, economic and social strains resulted in many broken marriages and poverty-stricken families.

As the novel was set in Alabama, the economic downturn was reflected most significantly through their agricultural industry, as Atticus conveyed in Chapter Two “The Cunningham’s are country folks, farmers and the crash hit them hardest” (Lee 23). Due to the lack of money, jobs and resources, the racial divide was amplified, creating a social friction between the Coloured and the White Folks, which permanently legalised the Jim Crow Laws in the South.

What motivated Harper Lee to write To Kill A Mockingbird? 

While Harper Lee expressed that To Kill A Mockingbird was not necessarily an autobiographical piece, it can be read as a powerful reflection of the racial inequality experienced in Alabama in the 1930s. Harper Lee, also known as Nelle Harper Lee, was born on the 28th of April 1926. Daughter to a loving father; Armasa Coleman Lee and mother; Francis Cunningham Finch Lee.  As the youngest of four children, she witnessed the premises of Jim Crow Laws take place in her town in Monroeville Alabama.  In many ways, Monroeville was just like Maycomb County, they both had stately court houses, there was no privacy when it came to town gossip, and of course a reclusive resident that was fascinated in terrifying children.   It is evident that the people in Harper Lee’s life were mirrored in some of the key characters within the novel. One of her first childhood friends Truman Strekfus Persons displayed similar characteristics as Dill, an imaginative, oddly and articulated fabulist boy. They bonded instantly which maintained a life long friendship.  Harper Lee’s father was a lawyer, like the child protagonist’s father; Atticus. Her father was in defense of two negros; son and father, for being allegedly accused of murdering a white clerk. During the 1930’s the southern laws were not equally protected of the Coloured folks. Like Atticus, he wasn’t able to save their innocence due to the phenomena back then.  Two black men were hanged as for their punishment.  Through the character of Scout, Harper Lee was able to project her own opinions and emotions in regarding the social injustices. 

The Use of Characterisation- Who is Racist? 

Aunt Alexandra 

In Chapter 12, Aunt Alexandra arrives to Finch’s landing waiting at the front porch, and is quickly discovered by Calpurnia and the children.  In a blink of an eye, Aunt Alexandra says to Calpurnia “Put my bags in the front bedroom.” (Lee 140)It was an order not a request, which portrays Aunt Alexandra’s feeling of superiority over Calpurnia. The way Aunt Alexandra treated Calpurnia reflects the common notion of the time that Coloured people were immoral to society, and merely servants who were not worthy of respect or recognition.

Aunt Alexandra considers herself as a traditionalist, and believes that her actions displayed towards Calpurnia are normal and civil due to her social values. In Chapter Thirteen, she stays in the Finch’s home to reconnect with her niece , nephew and brother, during this time she also expresses her disapproval of to Calpurnia. Furthermore she doesn't like to talk about important matters "in front of Calpurnia and them". This further develops Aunt Alexandra as racist as she expresses the opinion that Calpurnia is the least significant figure in the household, an idea which is rejected by Atticus as he argues on behalf of his children that Calpurnia is the last person he needs to kick out, as she acts as a mother figure for his children. 

Miss Gates 

Miss Gates is also conveyed as a racist in To Kill A Mockingbird. She is Scout’s third grade teacher, who idealises herself as an optimistic and considerate individual, when in reality she is seen to be a hypocrite. In Chapter 26, Scout’s classmate Cecil Jacobs  did a presentation on Hitler's treatment of the Jews, where Miss Gates abruptly intervenes the discussion correcting Cecil’s mistake of prosecuting to persecuting. The current discussion becomes very obsolete between persecuting and prosecuting under this circumstance, because one means to convict people of their crimes and the other means to treat in justly because of race or religion. A curious student asked why this had happened although they were white, and Miss gates ignores the student’s objection and  proceeds to explain that Hitler’s actions are vilified and wrong but Scout catches her persecuting the Blacks to Miss Stephanie Crawford in Chapter 25. 

The Cunningham’s

The actions of the Cunningham family in To Kill A Mockingbird can be seen to be one of the most extensive portrayals of racism in the novel. After the trial of Tom Robinson, the family were involved in an attempt to lynch Tom, almost mirroring the actions of the K.K.K., who were the most extreme racist group in America at the time.Through their actions and behaviours throughout the novel, it was clear to see that the Cunningham’s believed that they had a ‘right’ to treat the Coloured people with disrespect as being White, they ultimately saw themselves as superior.  

Mr Gilmer

As the prosecutor of Tom Robinson, Mr. Gilmer worked to contradict nearly everything that Atticus stated during the trial, clearly bias as a result of Tom’s skin colour. While Atticus treated everyone with respect despite their race or social status, Mr. Gilmer immediately degraded Tom Robinson throughout the trial, calling him a ‘boy’ and doing his best to frame him in being guilty. Its obvious that this is due to his skin colour, as Mr. Gilmer even treats the Ewell’s with respect despite of their social status. 

The Use of Characterisation- Who isn’t Racist? 

Atticus

Atticus is a loving father of Scout and Jem, and a defensive lawyer for Tom Robinson. Acting as a role model, his values are gradually passed on to his children, in believing that justice and equality makes a human more humane, in essence of how To Kill A Mockingbird was only preluding into the opposite values set by Atticus. There are many ways that Atticus is presented throughout the novel, one of them being having values that are different to the majority of the White community in Maycomb County. This is displayed as he defends on behalf of Tom Robinson, and despite of what the town had thought of this outrageous crime, Atticus carried on believing that he is serving the community the justice needed. As for his children, he believes his values are a great sense of gratitude that will certainly allow them to view the Maycomb County more of a bias town. 

Scenes

The Courtroom

Harper Lee utilises the courtroom as a platform to clearly display the divide between white privilege and black discrimination.  The trial begins in Chapter 16, where the Black community all must sit together in the balcony, while the White community sits down below.  They also must wait for the Whites to enter the court house before they go up stairs. Ironically in this chapter, Scout, Jem and Dill managed to make it into the trial, as there were no available seats for the children, four Coloured men had to stand to make room for the children to sit. This part of the novel outlines the reality of the Jim Crow Laws being intact and also conveys how the Coloured men continued to be generous and polite despite being faced with constant racism.  During this chapter, Atticus is in defence of Tom Robinson, which shows his willingness to go beyond the rules of Segregation and fight for his values; equality and justice. Atticus does this by treating the Black community as their equals, deserving of respect and fairness. 

The Fire at Miss Maudie’s House 

In To Kill A Mockingbird, Miss Maudie’s house caught on fire. The way in which both the Coloured and the White community united to stop the fire demonstrates a strong sense of courage and unity that the town doesn't often see. Despite the presence of the Jim Crow Laws, both blacks and whites joined together as a “family” to unite together to diffuse the fire. This part of the novel highlights the idea that racism isn't a natural human instinct, and ultimately conveys the notion that racism is learned, and could possibly be ‘un-learned’. In this moment where everyone worked together to diffuse the fire, the idea of racial segregation disappeared, there was no social hierarchy, just a community working together for the greater good. This scene presents readers with the belief that there is hope for the future, and that the County of Maycomb may not always be one of bitter racism.  

How are the African-American characters portrayed in the novel? 

Calpurnia is presented in To Kill A Mockingbird as the African American cook and housekeeper for the Finch family.  Calpurnia acts as a mother figure and disciplinarian in the Finch’s home. Despite the racial segregation displayed in the 1930’s, Atticus trusts and relies on her willingness and determination to keep the household in shape. Scout had describes Calpurnia as a “wicked-step mum”, this clearly shows that even though Calpurnia is simply trying to care for the children, Scout’s perception has been heavily influenced by the racial atmosphere in Maycomb, as she has grown to believe the evil assumptions of the Coloured community are “immoral to society” and “are just a lie”. In the first couple of chapters of the novel, Calpurnia is eluded as less humane and considered nonexistent in Scout’s perspective as she feels that her presence doesn’t match the needs of a regular “white” mum. The element of racism that is displayed through Scout is discrimination.  As Scout is only six years old, it is evident that her values and beliefs are influenced by the people that surround her, for example Aunt Alexandra and Miss Gates have led Scout to question whether Calpurnia deserves respect and ultimately starts to see herself as superior to the Black community. As a house cook, Calpurnia does not perceive herself any better than the white, which Scout doesn’t often see as she is blinded from the racial stereotypes in the 1930’s.  

Conclusion 

The award winning bildungsroman To Kill a Mockingbird presents readers with a depiction of racism in Southern America during the 1930s. While Harper Lee’s authorial context influenced her to write this novel, it was her use of characterisation and utilisation of the Courtroom and the fire scene, which was most effective in allowing readers to understand the extent of racism and the reality of segregation and the Jim Crow Laws that had a significant influence over American society at the time. Through Harper Lee’s novel To Kill a Mockingbird, the diminishing effects of racism can be seen, and while it is evident that racism is learnt, Harper Lee sheds light on the idea that racism can also be ‘unlearned’.  

[atiellefilletmignon]

Hard to Explain

Mann Idk what it is but honestly the past few nights I’ve been feeling like I need to let things out. I’m not sure what it is, it has to be something. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad or depressed or whatsoever. I just feel I need to write. So it’s almost 2am right now and I’m about to write a recap of my life so far.

1996: I was born in the Manila, Philippines. Tondo to be exact. June 4, my mom gave birth to me. Never met my dad, but my mama raised me well. Pretty damn great. 2000: My mom moved to California. The cliche filipinos moving to America to make better money and provide for their family back home. Hey I’m not hating, she had to do what she had to do. 2003: Hmm not sure but I’m guessing this was the year I started 1st grade at Manila Cathedral School. But yes if it was, man I met a lot of people through this school. The system is designed for us to be close to our classmates because we stay with the same 30+ people the whole year. And along with that, there are other batches with the same amount of students. I stayed in this school till 4th grade. In that four years I went through a few good memories. I made friends, and a few of them I considered bestfriends. I can still name a few that I remember, only because I have them as friends on facebook. But hey there’s always this one person from that school that I’ll never forget. My “puppy crush”, thats what they call it I guess. She was my first crush, her name is Abby. I remember getting teased about it almost everyday but I was an innocent little kid so nothing really happened. One reason why I’ll never forget about her is because my mom has our picture framed and its chillin in my living room. Im guessing she shipped us. But thinking about it now maybe catching up with her would be a pretty cool idea. Well we’ll see since I’m going back to the PI this June. So for now, that story is to be continued. 2006: Growing up in the Philippines was fun, no doubt. Since my mom left for LA, I was mainly raised by my lola. I called her mama too. I’ll be honest I was closer to my lola than I was to my own mother but I’m pretty sure everyone understood why. She raised me, protected me, disciplined me, showed me God, and taught me to be respectful. Everyone, pretty much took care of me. I was the favorite nephew, not to be cocky. Until December 2nd of 2006, when My lolo, my lola, and I flew to LA to reunite and live with my mom. A lot of things changed, and it changed really quick. It was almost shocking. 2007: I moved to the US for good, which meant new school, new friends, new culture, and well new everything. My mom sent me to go to St. Martha’s to continue my 4th grade year. She didn’t want to send me to a public school because she didn’t think I was ready. But knowing what I know now, I’m thankful she sent me to go to St. Martha’s because I had some of the best memories there. This is where I met my closest friends specially my best friend. I’m so thankful because they were patient with me, being fob and all they didn’t abandon me. They took me in and treated me as one of them. 2008-2010: School was tough, but I slowly adopted to it. 4th grade, I was very quiet. Didn’t know a lot of english yet. 5th grade, I was still quiet and just went school and home. But came 6th grade I became more comfortable. I started being active, joining sports and other school activities. I was mainly focused on flag football and basketball. But hey it was something. I started talking a lot and making more friends. 2010: This year impacted my life in such a huge and different way. This was the year full of challenges to my family. In the middle of the year my Lola was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that age, I didn’t know what it was or how bad it was until I saw the struggle and the emotions my mom and my other family are showing. My lola fought, and I’m proud of her. But November 3, 2010 my family and I gained an angel. An angel that I’m sure is watching every step of the way. Still supporting us, caring for us, and loving us like she’s always done. Mama I miss you, and I will always always love you. Thank you for everything. 2011: Losing my lola wasn’t easy for me, but we had to keep living. This was my 8th grade year. My prime. I joined almost every school events, activities. I was close with my teacher and I was well known. I was pretty much the clown of the class. This was the beginning of the Atielle you all know now. Hypey. June 4th, I graduated from St. Martha’s. I know, same day as my bday but oh well, wait till you find out what day my HS graduation was. Anyway, this was also the year that I started high school. Freshman year. Man oh man, crazy. I went to Bishop Amat, it was way different than St. Martha’s. I went from being the alpha dog to starting all over at the bottom again. New people, new culture, and new environment. But hey I did the best I could. I joined a club, made friends that I’m still good friends with till this day, and I did well in my classes. 2012: But that all comes to an end because I moved school just cause it got too expensive. So this is when my whole Nogales High School life begins. Same thing. New school, new people, new environment, and new culture. But I did have my bestfriend here, Ethan. Even though I had him at the same school it was still different. I was shocked, coming from Bishop it was hella different. Well to be exact, it was ghetto. The place was dirty, there were cholos, fights everywhere, and too many stereotypes. It took me the whole first semester to get used to it. But for 4 months all I did was school and then home. 2013: I started being more active at school. I met a new group of friends. I got lucky. I met some real good ones. This year I also got my license. And sophomore year just happened too fast. 2014: Junior year was the turning point of my HS days. This was when I became more social. I had a very close group, we called ourselves BcFam. I still do till this day, but of course it’s not the same as it was back when we were just in high school. Hmm I learned a few things this year. Tried a lot for the first time. I started to smoke hookah, I tried weed once this year, I probably had my first alcohol, I attempted to talk to a girl (i’ll tell you later what happened here), I guess you can say that this was the year my whole living in a perfect world, protected by a bubble ended. My bubble popped. I was exposed to real life. 2014: I have to tell you about that girl cause this was really the first time I tried getting at a girl and honestly I don’t know how it started. To keep it short, she and I were close friends, even called each other best friends until everyone noticed that we could be more than that so they shipped us. They started teasing us and I guess thats when I developed feelings for her. So spring break 2014, known to me as Waded. Cause this was the first time I got faded and it was at the beach. So beach day was when our friendship moved up to a different gear. You know, the talking gear. So it was established that I was trying, but after 2 weeks she told me she can’t do it. I was alright, I thought I was heart broken but later on in my life I find out the real definition of being heart broken. Anyway, a week later she decided she was wrong and we tried again. Same thing happened, she was confused. So I stopped trying and since then things got awkward between us. Keep in mind she was part of my close group of friends so it was really awkward and plus it was hs so we were all immature still. But yea! Junior year ended pretty dope. 2014 (summer): This has got to be the most interesting summer I’ve ever had. Around July, I joined the basketball team. New coach so he didnt have a favoritism, thats why I made the team. But yea varsity, I didn’t play much but i still did it. I lost a lot of weight in 3 months. I went from 210 to probably 170. I mean I was skinny. We were dying. I love my team, we went through hell and back together. 2014 (senior year): So 1st semester of my senior year. I’m back! Back to being an alpha dog, I never liked admitting it but I was popular around school. I was one of those asian dudes. I was in basketball, I joined renaissance to dance for my class, and I was in choir. Oh and keep in my i was about 170lbs, I was fire. Around September, I was nominated to be part of the homecoming court and to run as homecoming king. Honestly I still dont know how or why I was nominated but oh well. I was pretty much shipped with the only other asian of the court. Keep in mind, I’ve had a crush on this girl since junior year. Never really planned ok doing something about it until that whole homecoming event happened. I ended up asking her to be my date for homecoming, and things led to more things between us. She became my girlfriend. My first girlfriend. Man I turned into a simp ass dude. So it was pretty much, basketball, her, and my friends all senior year. Wasn’t all perfect mixing all of those together but somehow it happened. 2015: Class of 2015 woohoo! So basketball took over my senior year, and when season ended in February is when I actually started enjoying my senior year. I got to hang out more, with my friends and ofcourse my girlfriend at the time. It was cool! Dramas here and there but it was cool. I think 1st week of May was when my ex broke up with me. I didnt know what to feel about it. First time having a “heart break”. But nah I was alright, mainly because not a lot of things happened between us anyways. Not even a kiss. I was sad but it was alright. I spent the last month of senior year, having fun with my friends. Fixed all the drama that happened and just made sure we went out with a bang. Shit, well like I said June 4th, I graduated again. There goes my high school memories. 2015 (summer): The day after graduation I went to the beach with my group of friends. It was dope! Emotional. Just what we all needed. Around those times I also rekindled with my ex. Lets just say I wasnt the one to reach out. But yes one thing led to another. We got back together. This time it was different. We matured. Our relationship got deeper. First everything. Kiss and ALL that. Okay that’s it, I’m not gonna elaborate on that anymore. 2015 (college): I started an LVN program, 15 month program. This was the time where I mainly focused on school and my gf at the time. I distant myself from my other friends well maybe except for my best friend. But knowing what I know now, I wish I didn’t distant myself as much. I wish I knew how to balance already, but hey I was still learning. Oh First week of August, I moved in a new house too! Same house as I am in right now. 2016: School was going great, I learned to love nursing even more. I was exposed to the medical life. How it could be hard at times but worth it. Around April or May of this year however, we broke up again. But this time it was for good. It was her choice, I don’t know exactly why but I had to respect that. This is when the real heart break happened. I had my heart totally broken into pieces. Sounds dramatic but so was I around that time. It took me awhile to get over it, probably 6-7 months? I dont know, but awhile. I learned to let go and forgive. I went on with life, I finished my school on November. And I became close with my friends again. And this time, I know not to take them for granted. 2017: I went to Philippines for 2 weeks. A much needed vacation. It was short, but it’s alright because I’ll be back in a month. For my bday :) As of right now, I took a break from school and gonna wait till After I get back from philippines to take my NCLEX. So tumblr, for now thank you for listening. Brb, gonna continue life. Well gonna sleep first then continue life. Gnight its 3:20am.

[msjoyful23-blog]

Black in Corporate America

I never imagined during my collegiate days that I would still struggle with being African American working for Fortune 500 and global companies. It's a thought that never crossed my mind as I sat in my business classes with professors who walked the walk before me. They would lecture on working harder than everyone else, on making friends with the folks in the mailroom, and learning how to play the "corporate game". All of these things went over my naive head in the early 90s. I suspect it's because I went to private school from first to twelfth grade and I never experienced being treated unfairly by my teachers or any classmates for that matter. I was smart and never felt any type of way. I knew it existed with some of my other classmates being called a nigger and the like but it didn't affect me the way it does now. I guess you can say I wasn't "woke" in my teens the way some of these young people are in today's racial climate. I was more concerned with watching "The Box", watching Soap Operas, and hanging with my friends. I wasn't versed on the Regan and republican politics nor did I care. As a college student, my focus was on graduating not on Bill Clinton's crime bill. I voted for him and even helped with his campaign but that's where my interest ended. Eighteen years in Corporate America. Almost two decades of being a professional and productive member of society. I have a Masters degree in Business with a concentration in Accounting. I'm the real deal...I'm a woman...a Black woman...with a MBA...and a tax accountant! I'm dangerous and so I've learned over these past eighteen years I'm not wanted. As I've matured over the years I've learned to ignore that part, but all of the other stressors shine the light on the fact that we African Americans deal with some very heavy obstacles that few seem to be able to manage. I've seen it over and over countless times of disparities in the workplace that plague us from city to city and company to company. It doesn't matter how great a company's diversity programs are there will always be an employee or two or a hundred who don't buy into the company's million dollar program on inclusion and diversity. And somehow I often end up reporting directly to the aforementioned employee and I'm not sure how I survived this long. My Dad in all his infinite wisdom told me very early in life to become an entrepreneur. He had the right ideas but no advice how to execute and after seeing his business fail, I decided working for someone else was safer. I wish I had listened to him or asked more questions. I always rolled my eyes and blew him off because let's face it African Americans don't have access to capital and resources to start businesses. We don't even support our own community entrepreneurs and I wasn't going to be any different. So like those books I used to read when I was a kid where you had a choice of an ending by choosing a certain page, I chose Corporate America and turned to page 97. My mother often says that I'm the most resourceful person she knows and that I can find out anything. I wish I had drawn from her faith in me and started my own business. But no I chose page 97 so here I am. The lure of Corporate America is of course the money, status, benefits, and holidays off. Unless you went to FAMU's School of Business and Industry (shameless plug) no one tells you of the unspoken stress that affects those of us bamboozled, lead astray, and run amuck by a form of modern day slavery. As a Black woman I have to constantly combat stereotypes of the "angry black woman". I constantly wonder if getting upset in front of my coworkers adds fuel to the ridiculous notion that Black women cannot be angry. As if we are expected to always wear a smile and deal with every level of BS that comes our way without any form of emotion. It's ridiculous and also preposterous to think a human being cannot show emotion. You are allowed to feel and have emotions. You should be able to express yourself without someone labeling you as "angry" as if that's the only emotion we carry. How about frustrated or annoyed, which doesn't always equate to "angry". Please don't be lazy and label black women as angry because you don't want to do the work to have a conversation about what the issue may be. I equate this to slavery because we are being told without being told how to feel and how to react to being mistreated on sometimes a daily basis. Most women of color that I know have had that instance in the workplace where someone who is not a person of color told them to smile, not shake their head or roll their eyes as if we are property and they can still dictate what we can and cannot do with our own bodies. To demand a person of color to smile or not shake their head or roll their eyes is rude and racist. In addition to constantly wondering about my "perception" (also a racially motivated term in Corporate America), I am constantly conscious of my tone and sound of my voice. Can you image if everyday you have to think about not only what you say and how you say it but the sound of your voice too? That stress alone is enough for anyone to flip over their desks and walk out with the peace sign high in the air with any song by Kendrick Lamar playing as theme music. Ok maybe this is my recurring dream and everyone doesn't feel this way but I know at some point you have had to navigate through this maze of BS dealing with your tone and sound of your voice. After you have managed to identify this obstacle, your next obstacle is to learn to play this ridiculous middle school game of office politics. This is where I fail miserably because I'm grown and believe in being honest and upfront with people. I don't believe in throwing rocks and hiding my hand, throwing my coworkers under the bus, or being mediocre on a daily basis. I've never mastered this game and I flat out chose to sit on the bench while they sell their momma's out for a few coins. It's never been worth it to me to become a phony and unprofessional person. I happen to believe in the character of a person and being honest and trustworthy but I guess those are just buzz words nowadays that get kicked around like an empty soda can. Trust. It's such a heavy and important word. In Corporate America you are expected to trust those above you in a blind way like you trust God. I'm sorry but for me when someone shows you they mean you no good, trust is not an option. But the stressful part is you have to work with this person regardless of how you feel about them. Most people say they can work with anyone regardless of how you feel about them, however I believe you don't do your best work when you are literally working side-by-side with Satan himself. I've found myself leaving the office completely drained of any energy. Their negative and toxic selves suck all the energy from your body that you literally go home and sink into the couch in a semi-comatose state. It's unfair to work in a hostile environment where your boss curses, calls you out of your name in front of others, and yells at you and has not one professional bone in their body. So the nitpicking obstacle is enough to send your eyes into involuntary rolling. It's harassment in no uncertain terms. It's the kind of harassment that has you questioning why you even work there when at the same time you are more competent than most and have tons of education and initiative that you are often the one overworked because you do the most. You take on project after project because you are driven by nature not realizing it allows some to get comfortable in their mediocrity. They don't have to do any extra work because they know you will. Yet, the powers that be nitpick you to death and it's almost always not about your work product. 9.8 times out of ten it's about the "perception" that was conjured up just in case they need some justification to screw you out of a raise, promotion, or even your current position. Even if you are promoted they will stifle your growth and limit or eliminate your authority. You were a calculated promotion because they can say in their review that they embrace diversity all while making your life a living hell and increasing their bonus. I have no advice for those in similar situations except pray because that's all I've been able to do. Pray that God gives you peace to endure through these storms that seem to never end and pray that God fights your battles because if you try you will most definitely fail. The system is not designed for people of color. It is a winding and rocky road we travel for success that only we can measure. No one can measure your success for you. All you can do is your absolute best with whatever position you happen to hold. Well I do have two pieces of advice and that's by all means don't go to Human Resources. They are not your friend and they don't care what happens to you. They work for the company and their vested interest is to the company. Your issues with your supervisor or manager are just a means to weed you out and hire someone else who doesn't "complain" or "cause trouble". It's a shame that a person who is being discriminated and harassed by a fellow employee has no resources with their employer...or maybe it's just us...just people of color that have to abide by this unspoken rule. Hire a lawyer if it's that bad. My second piece of advice is to journal your experiences every single time. The best method is to email your personal email account from your work email. It is date and time stamped so it gives much more credibility than a handwritten journal. This is something I failed to do time and time again. From one company to the next I never documented my treatment and thus never had an advantage whenever I was disenfranchised. This documentation can also be used if the treatment is so bad you have to seek legal action. Maybe it's just me and I'm alone in this world of trying to navigate Corporate America while maintaining some form of sanity and purity of self although I know I'm not. I've seen my friends post their woes on social media detailing accounts of harassment and mistreatment by coworkers or managers above them. I've talked with folks who have cried on numerous occasions because folks are out here playing games at work when they clearly don't have enough work to do meanwhile we are all stressed out seeking professional therapy. It's incredibly discouraging because I'm a mentor at heart and I want to tell these young professionals to run far away from this toxic and demeaning environment designed for us to fail. I'm sure there are anomalies out there that truly believe in treating others with respect and dignity and who believe that diversity and inclusion are better for society as a whole. But until then, start your own businesses and build the community by creating jobs for our own. Don't pick page 97 if you don't have to because of fear or comfort. Be better than me and find a way to be your own boss. There is something to be said of being free completely. This is the answer that I ignored in my youth. It may not be too late for me but it's definitely not too late for the younger generation and I implore you to explore your options. African Americans, if I don't know anything else, are the most creative people on this planet. You can do this! Start teaching your children about starting businesses because that is the key to building wealth without of course stealing it but that's a blog for another day. Stay Blessed.